I’m not even trying to hide the results before I write this anymore, am I? It’ll become clear what I mean when you read the title after I introduce the robots in this episode of Robot Wars the 7th Wars. We’re getting into it, and we’re almost half way through the heats, this being the half way point. Some great robots have gone through, but some equally exciting, destructive bots of hell have fallen at an earlier hurdle. This time around we have more chaos, more carnage. We also have one of the less successful seeded robots seen throughout the entire 7th wars and beyond in 15th seeds Ming Dienasty, along with a variety of other robots. Ceros is here, which of course became Rusty in the last wars, with Metalis, Scraptosaur, Revolution 3, St Agro, The Scrapper and Mega Hurts LT also joining the crew. Not going to lie, they do collectively sound like the cast members of a film about a 31st century scrapyard… Or Transformers. Put Michael Bay in the director’s chair and I’m sure you could probably get a decent film out of those names.
Turning our attention to the actual melees going on, and we start off with the fight concerning our seeded friend Ming Dienasty (15), Metalis, Scraptosaur and Ceros.
First off is our seeded robot, Ming Dienasty. The latest in the line of Ming robots to grace our screens, Ming Dienasty is a complete overhaul from the robot’s last incarnation, Ming 3. Gone is the silver paint job and the giant central crushing claw, and in comes a wider body, new drive system and a rather large drill for a weapon, with a self righting arm to complete the picture. The drill itself goes at 3000rpm and the robot can reach speeds of 20mph, but will this Ming be able to rule over the arena?
Next we have Metalis, which is quite honestly a bizarre looking robot, and one that wouldn’t look out of place on a sci-fi show. The front of the robot features a 3-sided scoop made out of what looks like a colander, whilst the top of the robot has something resembling a shark fin on top of it, which doesn’t give it an air of stability. There is also a small clamping claw on the front of the robot which acts as another weapon. Will it work? Who knows.
Next up we have Scraptosaur, the first of two robots in this heat incorporating the word ‘scrap’. It comes from The Netherlands, which has already given us violent flipper bot Gravity, so the bar has been set pretty high. The robot looks like a mediaeval dinosaur and has a CO2 powered flipper as a weapon, whilst the robot itself can go at speeds of up to 15mph. The flipper is not a conventionally shaped wedge flipper, instead featuring a small panel protruding off a vertical face. An interesting design, but how far can it go?
Finally we have Ceros, the series 7 version of Ceros. It looked like a Titanium Rhino and was yet another robot featuring some kind of flipper in this melee (The 7th Wars was flipper heaven I swear). This flipper is more of a short and snappy kind like Scraptosaur, and can also act as a self righter for the robot, useful given the competition.
So we have the competitors, now for the guardians of the arena. For the first battle, the custodians are Dead Metal and that vicious guard dog, Growler!
The battle begins, and for the first few seconds everyone is busy getting their bearings. But once that is all sorted out, they all pile towards Ming, aiming to get their flippers in underneath the one robot that doesn’t possess one. And one of them, Ceros, succeeds, punting Ming through the air and onto their side. Mind try to use the lifting arm to self right, but they are at an awkward angle, and all they really do is just spin themselves around.
With Ming currently out of the way, the three flip kings go at each other, starting out with Scraptosaur and Metalis. Whilst Metalis’ cheese grater doesn’t actually seem to be working, Scraptosaur can’t seem to get in underneath. So, instead, Ceros joins the fight, and flips Metalis over themselves. Now we have two robots on their sides and struggling.
Growler has a short bit of fun with Ming, pushing them towards the flame pit, but it’s looking likely now that Scraptosaur and Ceros are going through with little difficulty. But Ming, having now gone full upside down rather than at an angle, can self right. They’re back in the fight. They’re not really fighting much though, more running away. Eventually Scraptosaur catches up to them, and flips them up onto their rear end… But they come back down on their wheels. Survival.
Scraptosaur aren’t done though, flipping Ming over again and again, this time putting them in some real trouble. Ming just doesn’t have the time to self right or attempt to fight back because Scraptosaur are on them within an instant. It’s relentless.
Metalis, meanwhile, have been counted out to nobody’s surprise. They are actually flipped back over afterwards, but that’s irrelevant. They’re out. Ming are still whirling around on the floor having survived Scraptosaur’s attempts to put them out of the arena, until Ceros come along and flip them back onto their wheels. Growler grapples with the now immobilised Metalis, despite it trying to run away, whilst Ming runs straight for the pit release button to try and save itself.
This seems to invigorate Ming, who go on a late rampage, putting the drill to work against both Ceros and Scraptosaur. Unfortunately, the drill never seems to get a proper contact, and can only do cosmetic damage. But is it too little too late? Metalis ends up in the pit as the clock counts down, and we’re off to the judges!
Despite Ming’s late foray into the world of battle, the early blows were too much for it. And so the judges, having looked over everything, went for Scraptosaur and Ceros as the victors! The seed has fallen. And now the heat is wide open.
So onto our second melee, and the second half of the scrapyard demons fighting it out for the right to join Scraptosaur and Ceros in the second round of the heats.
First on the list is Revolution 3, hoping to bring its own robot revolution to the arena. A 4 wheel box shaped robot, Revolution 3 is very, very different to its predecessor. Whilst Revolution 2 looked like a remote controlled combine harvester of death and destruction, Revolution 3 is a lot more reserved, with a much smaller front drum to act as weaponry, spinning at approximately 2,500rpm. The robot is invertible, which is good given the high number of flippers in this heat, and has a top speed of 12mph.
Second into the arena is St Agro, one of the many flippers in this heat but also one taking a slightly different approach! Instead of having one sole flipper to rely on, St Agro can actually run both ways up, and as a result has a flipper on each side of the robot. Kind of ingenious if you ask me. Like Revolution 3, the robot runs at 12mph, but it is susceptible to running out of CO2 and has rather large, heavily exposed wheels. They may turn out to be a problem.
Next up is the other robot in this heat with ‘scrap’ in its name, The Scrapper. It’s a taller box shaped robot, invertible, with a 20kg, 950rpm horizontal front disc acting as the robot’s form of punishment. It is unsurprisingly, given the name, made out of scrap, and has 6mm Polycarbonate armour on top of that. It is a brand new robot, so that makes it hard to judge just how well it’ll do in its first ever battle.
Finally we have Mega Hurts LT, a robot that looks like the comic relief of the episode, but with these things you never quite know. The reason it looks comical is mainly due to the drawn on cartoon style eyes. But going on to the actual robot itself- a robot that initially fought in the 2nd wars- we see a machine that might even be capable of doing something. It features a unique double flipper system, one which flips up and another which flips forward. The bottom one looks like a keyboard. It only weighs 91kg, which could prove a problem in the long run against flippers, but supposedly the robot itself can self right.
Dead Metal and Growler keep their place as the resident house robots, either because they’ve refused to move or because the production team is too lazy to change them. Either way, it’s time to let the battle begin!
The fight begins with the robots pairing off, St Agro and Mega Hurts going one way and locking flippers, with The Scrapper and Revolution 3 going disc to disc on the other side. Whilst Mega Hurts clashed flippers with St Agro on the first pass, however, their flipper failed to come down quick enough, and on the next pass St Agro had a free run to get in underneath and toss them over. Mega Hurts does however land on its wheels.
The Scrapper attempts to come into play next, but the disc seems to do little damage to Mega Hurts, and soon Revolution 3 is back and out for blood. Their attack on The Scrapper does result in damage, with a piece of the polycarbonate flying off and away. Mega hurts meanwhile has given up moving, which allows St Agro to come back on the attack and this time, the flip sends them onto their side.
Mega Hurts do fall onto their back, which allows them to self right after the second attempt, but they are rattled. Revolution 3 takes over the attack on them, pushing them around for a little bit before dumping them by one of the flame jets. Mega Hurts, it has to be said, does seem to have some tough armour though. Maybe not as useful in this case as a functioning drive system.
The Scrapper, a fringe figure so far in this fight, still looks more menacing that it actually is if this battle is anything to go by. They’re next on St Agro’s list, and do make a rather acrobatic turn onto their disc after the first flip, then come back to rest. St Agro aren’t done with them though, and chase them down before getting back underneath them, just close enough to the arena side wall to try it… OUT THEY GO!
Mega Hurts, meanwhile, are still not moving. Revolution 3 push them first, but then leave them to St Agro, the real aggressors of this heat. St Agro tries to recreate what just happened with The Scrapper, but Mega Hurts holds on, bouncing off the side wall rather than over it. Now in a CPZ, the house robots come over to play, and Dead Metal decides it’s a good idea to drive over St Agro’s flipper. It isn’t, but fortunately for Dead Metal, St Agro’s flip doesn’t quite cause them to topple over. A lucky escape.
Growler, having avoided St Agro, instead grabs hold of Mega Hurts, shakes them around a bit like every good guard dog, and then throws them into the arena side wall, where St Agro promptly flips them over. Cue Refbot’s inevitable countdown. However, Revolution 3 also seem to have given up the ghost, and St Agro’s flippers are wedged open. They may be going through, but just how battle worthy will they be?
Growler now gets to have its fun with Mega Hurts, and after shaking them around like a chew toy again, then positions them on the floor flipper, where they fly. Always a fun end to a robot’s life, the floor flipper. But St Agro and Revolution 3 are going through!
So there we have our 4 worthy robots- St Agro, Revolution 3, Scraptosaur and Ceros. 3 flippers and a spinner, so the flippers have numbers on their side. That and, well, Revolution 3 wasn’t actually moving by the end of their melee.
What impact will that have? Who will be going through?