Robot Review Ranking: The Final Standings (9th Wars Edition)

It’s that time again! All robots in the 9th wars have been scored and ranked based on their performances. We’ve had the deadly, the wacky and the robots that lasted about 5 seconds before giving up on life. Now it’s time to bring everything into one place, the Robot Review Rankings for the 9th wars! (Well, the rankings from the heats, anyway).

If you just want to see the list without having to go through a whole dedicated article, you can find that HERE. But if there are no other exceptions, shall we get this party started?

  1. High-5 (S09E04): -1/10


Oh High-5. It was supposed to be the saviour in a heat dominated by spinners, using the snaring, interlocking jaws to trap and enclasp spinners, and other robots, and stop them from completely dominating. Instead it moved about 5ft before being reversed into by Wyrm, which in turn caused it to promptly die on the spot.

  1. Nuts 2 (S09E01): -1/10


After such an amazing run last series, Nuts’ fall from grace has at least been extravagant. Despite only spinning on one wheel for the entirety of their melee, they still somehow managed to get into a position where Matilda could kung-fun kick them out of the arena with her flywheel. Spectacular, but gone too soon.

  1. Hobgoblin (S09E02): 0/10


Hobgoblin was the reboot’s first ‘beater bot’, and looked rather deadly. Unfortunately, when it came time to battle, they found themselves moving across the arena slower than a snail on an acid trip, and were soon enough flipped by Eruption, where a lack of srimech ended any hopes of re-entering the contest. Weapon worked though.

  1. Crushtacean (S09E04): 0/10


Old hands Crushtacean were back with the revolutionary motion controlled weaponry system and some new fancy red paint that was supposed to be able to stop spinners. But, as they found out when Ironside 3 punched a hole in them with their bar spinner, the paint was completely useless. Unfortunately, so were Crushtacean.

  1. Crank-E (S09E01): 0/10


There were to be no Razer pitting heroics this time for the Crank-E boys, after having to face up to Aftershock in the first fight of the series. Their spinners buffer plates, it seems, don’t actually deflect spinners at all, and Aftershock was so powerful it managed to detach Crank-E’s top armour panel by shock force alone, which probably doesn’t say much for Crank-E either.

  1. Tauron (S09E03): 0.5/10


Tauron certainly looked the part, with a unique weapon system and striking paint job. The vertical set of rotating hammerheads looked vicious, and could apparently move on a pivot so it didn’t matter if Tauron were upside down. It didn’t matter though, because despite landing a hit on Thor, they were KOed by Concussion about half a second later.

  1. Expulsion (S09E03): 1/10


Expulsion had the potential to be revolutionary, with a retractable spinner that only revealed itself when up to speed. Unfortunately, the spinner never got up to speed, and M.R Speed Squared made light work of Expulsion’s armour. But the idea was good, and if it can be improved upon, it my just change the game.

  1. Rusty (S09E05): 1/10


Rusty, aka Ceros V2.0, was never actually supposed to be here, but was thrown into action as a last minute reserve. They were up against it right from the start, having to face Champions Apollo, and were duly tossed around. But the final blow was actually self inflicted, as Rusty flipped itself onto its ass to strand itself.

  1. Ms Nightshade (S09E05): 1.5/10

Ms Nightshade

Ms Nightshade, what a robot. Giant purple cone of doom in principle, it actually spent most of its time flapping about to try and fend people off. And, despite being apparently unflippable, they were eventually flipped by Apollo. Cue more flapping. I’m just disappointed we never got to see it try to climb out of the pit.

  1. Apex (S09E04): 2/10


It was always going to be tough to get out of week 4’s spin city, but Apex looked like they might have been able to do it. The robot looked badass with one of the heftiest bar spinners in the competition. Unfortunately, they ended up colliding with Pulsar, which knocked their lights out with the first blow.

  1. TMHWK (S09E01): 2/10


TMHWK looked good, and looked as if they had the potential to be an axe swinging nightmare. They had one hand in sending Crank-E to the robot graveyard by pushing them into Aftershock, but after that they were nothing more than passengers as Sabretooth took them apart. One day maybe, but not today.

  1. Draven (S09E02): 2/10

Lord Draven

Draven, the cult robot trying to crush the opposition, was looking to improve on a disappointing 8th wars. They didn’t. I mean they weren’t afraid to be aggressive, but they picked a fight with the wrong robot in PP3D. But for all the damage PP3D did, it was actually Shunt that landed the killer blow.

  1. Meggamouse (S09E05): 2.5/10


Meggamouse were my favourites to go through their melee along with Carbide, and they tried their best to get there, but being aggressive can only get you so far if there’s no end product. After battling with clusterbot Crackers, a failed flip attempt on Carbide was their undoing, allowing Carbide to come in and rip their wheel off.

  1. Push To Exit (S09E02): 2.5/10

Push To Exit

Maybe I’m biased because I like front hinged flippers, but I had high hopes for Push To Exit. The robot was fast and powerful, but spent most of its time battling with Cherub and failed to get anything like a decent flip in. In the end they met their demise at the hands of PP3D, which was perhaps an unlucky blow.

  1. Trolley Rage (S09E05): 3/10

Trolley Rage

Trolley Rage was a fantastic concept, taking a shopping trolley and some ancient wheelchair motors and turning it into a fighting robot. It worked too- the robot drove and the axe fired, but it was somewhat unfortunate to have to face Carbide in its first ever fight, and that was its undoing.

  1. Chimera 2 (S09E03): 3/10

Chimera 2

Chimera 2 is a much improved version of last series’ Chimera, no longer featuring inflated tyres and instead boasting HDPE wheels instead. The axe was improved too, but it still wasn’t effective enough to get it through the melee. After a few skirmishes, they were eventually overcome by drum spinner Concussion.

  1. Frostbite (S09E04): 4/10


Frostbite was one of the many robots that came out of an educational institute of some form, and for a school project it looked good. A bar spinner coupled with some cool LED lighting effects and frosted armour plating to go with the name. Unfortunately it came up against a very destructive Supernova, who tore them apart not once but twice, with the second fight ending up being terminal for Frostbite.

  1. Foxic (S09E03): 4/10


Foxic was improved vastly from last series, not only looking a lot more striking but also IT ACTUALLY WORKED PROPERLY! And it looked as if it was going to take its melee by storm, except for one small problem- the lifting arm didn’t work. That became more of a problem when Foxic took a ride over the floor flipper and beached itself, eliminating them at the first hurdle.

  1. Rapid (S09E01): 4/10


Rapid was supposed to be a flipper revolution of high tech engineering, but actually ended up being over engineered to the point where they had to pull out of the competition because they couldn’t reach their gearbox in time to fix it. Otherwise, I think they might have actually had a decent chance.

  1. Coyote (S09E05): 4.5/10


Techno steampunk robot dog from hell, Coyote came out all kinds of funky. Despite getting into the Head to Heads though, it struggled all the way, not picking up any points. In its defence, it did have to face Apollo twice and Carbide, and it showed glimmers of promise. Maybe in another heat, it would have more success.

  1. M.R Speed Squared (S09E03): 4.5/10

M R Speed Squared

M.R Speed Squared is a full body spinner and an enigma that can never quite solve itself. In both this series and last series, it has started off incredibly well, tearing apart its melee opposition, only to fall apart once the Head to Heads come about. It is as confusing as it is frustrating, because if it worked like it does in the melees all the time, it could be right up there.

  1. PP3D (S09E02): 5/10

PP3D 2017

Robot Wars’ first crowd funded robot, PP3D came back this series with more power than ever. They cruised through the melee, but all that power came back to haunt them in the Head to Heads when the robot spectacularly combusted against Behemoth. They finished with zero points, but did hit Cherub so hard they broke the arena wall.

  1. Terrorhurtz (S09E01): 5/10


I’m pretty sure Terrorhurtz now officially hates anything with a rotary weapon. They had fun against the rather flat Jellyfish, but when it came to drum spinner Sabretooth and vertical spinner Aftershock, they were pretty much torn apart. Though they did get bonus points for John Reid’s amazing command of his control booth.

  1. Cobra (S09E02): 5.5/10


How often do we see melees go to a judges’ decision? Not often, that’s for sure. But in week 2 we did, thanks to Belgian robot Cobra being a real pain in the ass to its competitors. Facing Eruption and Behemoth, both flipper/lifters, Cobra is entirely invertible, so they managed to survive everything. Unfortunately not enough to get them through, but impressive nonetheless.

  1. Wyrm (S09E04): 6/10


Fresh from the Momento Mori team, responsible for last year’s wonderful abomination Overdozer, Wyrm looked equally as ridiculous but at least wasn’t made of wood. After knocking themselves out by driving into the wall in their melee, they were later reinstated. Had an anti-spinner scoop that actually wasn’t spinner proof at all, but they were as always amazing fun.

  1. Heavy Metal (S09E03): 6.5/10

Heavy Metal

Heavy Metal was as entertaining away from the fights as it was during them. From the vivid paint scheme John Denny Jr’s face mask, from the little rubber wheel studs to the heavily exposed wheels. Heavy Metal was a ride from start to finish. It was those exposed wheels that finished them though, coming off in not one but two fights.

  1. Sabretooth (S09E01): 6.5/10


Sabretooth finally won a fight! The drum spinner is much improved from last series, and even made it all the way to the heat final, but there were definite struggles along the way, and the first fight against Aftershock was nothing but devastating to them. That, and they then went on to lose against Jellyfish too. But regardless, a much better performance than last series.

  1. Behemoth (S09E02): 7/10


I think Behemoth can count themselves unlucky not to have at least reached the heat final, and really should have defeated Cherub (Floor Flipper KO not withstanding) but for the wrong choice of weapon attachment. Either way, they were the only robot in the heat that actually looked like giving Eruption trouble, and I think could have beaten them in the H2Hs if they hadn’t driven into an arena blind spot.

  1. Jellyfish (S09E01): 7/10


I bloody loved Jellyfish. It was such a fun robot, and even though it did kinda look like it may have come out of an arts and crafts school project, I think that was part of what made it so fun. But above that, it worked. Sure, Terrorhurtz had a field day with it, but the final H2H victory against Sabretooth proved that, no matter what, any robot is in with a chance on Robot Wars. It’s a shame we won’t see it back next series.

  1. Supernova (S09E04): 7/10


Just missing out on a top 10 position is Supernova, a ridiculously powerful spinner that created some of the best moments of action this series, not least with the collision they had with Pulsar. Tore Frostbite apart so badly, twice, the robot had to retire. Might have managed to get further if it didn’t have a tendency to eat its own chain, but it was not a robot you willingly wanted to come up against.

  1. Cherub (S09E02): 7/10


It seems to be a thing with robots from the Colliass family, that they never look as threatening as they actually are. Who would have thought, with robots such as PP3D and Behemoth that Cherub would make the heat final? Was it controversial? Yes, it was. But that shouldn’t take away from the fact that Cherub stood up to some very powerful robots and won. Also, handstands.

  1. Apollo (S09E05): 7/10


Last series’ Champions Apollo were back and looking to retain their crown, but were unfortunate enough to have to face arch nemesis Carbide along the way, which was pretty much their undoing. They defeated everyone else along the way to a heat final place and eventual wildcard entry to the grand final, but were taken all the way to a judges’ decision by clusterbot Crackers N Smash.

  1. Crackers N Smash (S09E05): 7.5/10

Crackers N Smash

Talking of Crackers N Smash, who saw their heat performance coming? Not only did they survive a melee involving Carbide, but they outright defeated Coyote in the H2Hs and took Apollo all the way to a judges’ decision. Even Carbide had trouble taking them on, only winning the H2H after turning Smash into a cannonball that took out the arena side wall. All in all, a very good performance against tough opposition.

  1. Thor  (S09E03): 7.5/10

Thor 2017

Having had to scrape into the Grand Final last series via wildcard, Thor were looking to go one better, but just couldn’t do it. Even with a robot not working to full capacity half the time, Thor had convincing wins against everybody that wasn’t Concussion. Only then did they falter, and they were very unlucky not to win in the first H2H. It’s still a very strong robot, of that there is no doubt.

  1. Pulsar (S09E04): 8/10


Last year’s grand finalists Pulsar had to fight their way through the heat of death this series, and so very almost went all the way back into grand final, but just couldn’t get over the line. Some spectacular fights against Ironside 3 and Supernova were only eclipsed by the numerous technical problems they sustained. It was a miracle they even had a working robot in the heat final, but they would have been my pick for the wildcard having amassed 8 points in the Head to Heads.

  1. Concussion (S09E03): 9/10


We’re into the top 5, and unsurprisingly they’re all our heat winners. First of the 5 is newcomer Concussion, who managed to best last series’ wildcard entry Thor not once but twice. It was a close run thing though, and mainly because Thor’s axe was not up to full usage. Thor aside, there were commanding victories against the likes of Heavy Metal and M.R Speed Squared, whilst they killed Tauron in one hit.

  1. Ironside 3 (S09E04): 9/10

Ironside 3

Perhaps unlucky not to go past the Head to Heads last series, Ironside 3 came back better than before and looking for vengeance. After taking Crushtacean out in one hit, there were further crushing victories against Wyrm’s anti-spinner scoop and a half dead Supernova amongst a controversial fight with Pulsar. The real victory though came against those rivals Pulsar in the heat final, where they were finally able to get the better of them.

  1. Eruption (S09E02): 9.5/10


Taking the mantle of best flipper of the series from Apollo, Eruption made a remarkable improvement on their form from last series. Despite a tough group battle that went all the way to the judges, they finished with a flurry of putting competitors out of the arena, from Cherub (Twice) to PP3D to Behemoth. It was an impressive performance- they weren’t invulnerable, but they cleaned up.

  1. Aftershock (S09E01): 10/10


From the same team that brought you last year’s grand finalists Shockwave, Aftershock was something brand new and infinitely more destructive. After taking apart Crank-E in the melee, then they humiliated Sabretooth not once but twice, took Rapid out of the competition several fights early and broke the experienced Terrorhurtz like never before. It was the best way to kick off the series.

  1. Carbide (S09E05): 10/10


But, as destructive as Aftershock were, nothing comes close to the sheer power of Champions Carbide. The likes of Trolley Rage, Meggamouse, Coyote and even Apollo could not stand up to the titanic bar spinner, and clusterbot Crackers N Smash had to take one hell of a beating before Smash was turned into a cannonball which took out the arena wall. And, well, we all know what happened in the Grand Final with Aftershock. That was the hit that immortalised Carbide as certified badass for eternity, and a worthy winner of this series’ Robot Reviews.

So, that’s it! Agree? Disagree? Everyone has an opinion on these things I’m sure and I’d love to know what people think.

Anyway, I’m currently just about to start my final year Uni exams, and as such this blog will be going on hiatus for the next few weeks. But I’ll be back after that, most likely to recommence the run through of the 7th wars that was interrupted by this series.

Until then…


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