Robot Review: M.R Speed Squared (S09E03)

M.R Speed Squared, the robot with the long name that I loathe typing out every few sentences, are back and looking to build on what was an initially strong, but eventually rather hopeless foray into Robot Wars the 8th wars. The competition’s resident full body spinner, M.R Speed Squared started out last year as a deadly machine, tearing apart Draven and Chimera on their way through the melee. That kind of fell apart in the Head to Heads, when their spinner stopped working properly and they were mercilessly battered by a rampant Thor. They managed to beat Foxic though… Somehow.

This year the robot has become flatter, sleeker, and isn’t missing one of the armour panels to stop it from being overweight like last series. The 35kg full body spinner runs at 900rpm, and the robot itself is fairly speedy at 17mph. On paper, the two cutting teeth on the disc can do a great deal of damage, but if the disc fails, then the robot becomes exposed.

For M.R Speed Squared to get to at least the stage they got to last year, they must first get through a melee that includes a rival from last series, Foxic. Expulsion and Heavy Metal are the other robots in the heat, and there are seemingly several opportunities to cause some destruction, especially with Expulsion’s weak armour and Heavy Metal’s exposed wheels.

Instantly, M.R Speed Squared looks a more deadly machine. Maybe it’s the sleeker body? It’s certainly not something you want to get close to in a hurry, as Expulsion find out early on. The one problem it does seem to have is that old foe for spinner, gyroscopic forces. After tangling with Foxic, M.R Speed Squared seems to start spinning around on the rim edge of the robot, not its wheels. It not something that seems to hinder them too badly, because they’re straight back into the action, and back fighting Foxic, though Foxic is very resilient to the attacks.

Balance What Balance

After overcoming the gyro forces for good, M.R Speed Squared go back on the attack, targeting the stricken Expulsion, and quite honestly tearing them apart. Expulsion’s armour was never the thickest or toughest, but M.R Speed Squared managed to turn them into scrap metal anyway. But it wouldn’t be Robot Wars without another twist; As the clock counts down for Foxic and Expulsion, M.R Speed Squared accidentally take a trip over the floor spikes, which fire them into the air- but when they crash back down, the weapon has stopped spinning…

Regardless of what the floor spikes have done to the machine, M.R Speed Squared have made it through, again. Now they face the dreaded (For them) Head to Heads. First up is a rematch with melee rivals Heavy Metal. There’s one major aspect of Heavy Metal that should give M.R Speed Squared hope. EXPOSED WHEELS.

But almost instantly, the dream is shattered. The first collision between the two robots not only sends M.R Speed Squared flying through the air, but it also stops the weapon dead. With no weapon, M.R Speed Squared are already on the ropes. Not only that, but they have quite a nice ground clearance for Heavy Metal, which can then get in underneath and start pushing them around. And Heavy Metal went for it. The first attack slammed them into the wall, flipping them over. The second attack sent them crashing into the other arena side wall, whilst there were further excursions that ended with trips to the pit release button, then onto the floor flipper. Basically, M.R Speed Squared were being taken for a ride.


Heavy Metal don’t stop there, next sending M.R Speed Squared into the path of Shunt, who promptly put the axe in them.


Things aren’t looking good for M.R Speed Squared, and it gets no better. After much more of the same, Heavy Metal manages to corner M.R Speed Squared by the pit, where they can’t escape. With one final push, M.R Speed Squared go straight in. Heavy Metal go in too, but that doesn’t matter.

So now it’s looking like a very familiar tale for M.R Speed Squared. Without a working weapon, the robot is vulnerable to just about everyone. It doesn’t help that the next opponent is Thor, who last year managed to put several holes in their ambitions.

This one doesn’t go much better.

M.R Speed Squared start, but almost instantly the super speedy Thor is right on them, and brings the axe straight down. It doesn’t pierce the armour this time, but it’s a heavy blow. This is quickly followed by another heavy blow and a trip into the arena wall, and that’s that. M.R Speed Squared have been vanquished.

Sir Killalot has a little nibble, but the clock hits zero and the robot is counted out. So much for getting revenge. All they have right now is a very dented top panel.

There’s still one fight to go though, and that is against Concussion, not that M.R Speed Squared weren’t fighting off the concussion Thor gave it last time out.

But when the battle started, the full body spinner actually worked! It worked so well that the robot was sent into a violent gyroscopic dance, which ended with the robot spinning through the air. But… Now the spinner isn’t working. So it worked for about 2 seconds.

Concussion now have the fun task of trying to take M.R Speed Squared down. The drum however is just the same height as the outer ring, so it’s not able to cause any major damage to the actual robot. But they can still push M.R Speed Squared around, and they’re well on top. Eventually Concussion get M.R Speed Squared into Dead Metal’s CPZ, which just added to it. Dead Metal did minimal damage sure, but it was still enough to put a little dent into the armour.

After narrowly escaping the pit, Concussion get M.R Speed Squared back into Dead Metal, and at the same time they’re getting roasted over the flame pit. So it’s double trouble. But, after escaping Dead Metal, they just end up running into Killalot instead.


Killalot lift them up and spin them around, before letting them go, where they slide far across the arena. Concussion are trying their best to end this fight, but can’t actually get M.R Speed Squared in the pit, no matter how hard they try.

And then Concussion catch fire. Well, they start to smoke quite a lot, and very quickly the battle has turned. Concussion is barely mobile, though M.R Speed Squared still don’t have a working weapon. An interesting end. Time for a judges’ decision!

And the decision goes to… Concussion!

Well, yeah. That wasn’t really too surprising. And it means M.R Speed Squared end on 0 points.

So, how did M.R Speed Squared do? Well once again, they looked good early on, tearing apart Expulsion and looking as if the spinning ring would actually work. But they were undone by the arena floor spike, and from there it was all downhill. It is a good design, it just needs to actually work. If it works, then it can be fearsome. But right now, it’s just not. It’s not. It’s too unreliable. Cool dance moves though.

Expectation v Result (4th-4th): 0
Shredding Expulsion of body parts: +6
Death by arena floor spike: -2
In the pit (One of the very few that found themselves in there too): -1
Er… Thor: -2
Death by judges’ decision: -1
But, they lasted long enough for Concussion to blow up: +1.5
BONUS: Abstract gyro dance of doom: +3

Robot Rating (M.R Speed Squared): 4.5/10

Full Robot Review rankings from this series and the last series can be found here: )
Each review rating is hyperlinked to the article about that robot- simply click on the robot’s name to be navigated to their article.


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