I’ve got about a week to fit another one of these in before the 9th Wars commences, and I will get through the whole episode dammit. Think of it as me preparing to go into overload mode once I have to restart Robot Reviews version 2. I am hoping this time around it isn’t going to take me a few months to do all of the Robot Reviews, but this is me and I’m not exactly reliable, so we’ll have to see. Will anybody get a perfect score like TR2 last year? Will anybody go lower than Overdozer’s -2/10? The possibilities are endless.
But for now, I’m here to carry on with my whirl through Robot Wars the 7th Wars. We’re now on Heat E, which was actually Heat A but got swapped around. You can tell that by the fact the episodes had been going down in odd numbers of seeded robots; Though they didn’t actually fight, Terrorhurtz were seeded 3rd- Dantomkia 5th and 13 Black 7th. So you would expect Heat A to have the 9th seeds, but that was Pussycat, who were in Heat A. Instead, we get reigning champions and number 1 seed Tornado in this heat. I think you get the picture.
Joining Tornado is a range of different robots, including Devastator, Leveller 2, Barber-Ous 2’N A Bit, Ewe 2, Sawpoint 2, Tetanus Booster and Thunderpants. I include Thunderpants on this list, but in reality they didn’t actually compete. They didn’t even make it into the arena. But that’s for later. For now, here’s the first melee!
Let’s kick things off with Tornado. Reigning UK Champions, one of the world’s most successful boxes on wheels. Tornado’s greatest asset has always been its immense pushing power, though at the moment they have to make do without their scoop due to the active weapons rule brought in this series, instead featuring a mini vertical disc. That’s not to say the disc will stay, thanks to the large variety of interchangeable weaponry Tornado possesses. Still definitely a kickass robot.
Next up is Saw Point 2, which has genuinely gone all out with the saw blades. Two circular saws on the front end, angled inwards just to look that bit more maniacal, whilst there are pincers on the back. Looks like it came straight out of the industrial revolution and may just go like it too, but there are some rather large, rather exposed wheels.
Thirdly we have Ewe 2, which other than having a name that rhymes, also possesses a thin bar flipper to try and toss opponents around. An interesting shape, something of a tall box (As opposed to Tornado, which was more of a flat box). Looks like it could fall over it’s so tall (OK that was an exaggeration, but you get the point). It’s also silver and has no armour on the underside of the robot.
Finally we have Devastator, which comes out looking like a motorway chevron crossed with some red and yellow warning tape. Kind of a triangular box with a large spinning disc on the front. Could possibly devastate, could also quite easily crash and burn. Not sure labelling your weaknesses as ‘classified’ is going to actually make them go away.
Right then! Your house robots to kick things off are psycho Psycho and not-quite-so-psycho-but-still-kinda-psycho Matilda. To the battle!
Like all good 4 way melees, everyone basically piled into one another. It’s kinda fun if you’re Tornado, I suspect not so much if you’re anybody else, not least Devastator, which was chosen as Tornado’s victim. As everyone else broke up, Devastator found themselves being pushed sideways across the arena. One of the fun parts of that was that they got to leave tyre tracks all across the arena floor.
Meanwhile, the two other robots of this contest are similarly going at each other. The difference here is both robots are incompetent instead of just one. Ewe 2 can’t land a flip on Sawpoint 2 and is basically aimlessly firing the flipper arm, whilst Sawpoint 2 is just there. I don’t think the saws are doing any actual damage. Devastator joins the ranks of useless by failing to escape the CPZ Tornado put them in, so that now they’re being pinned against the arena side wall by Mr Psycho. Basically, everything is only OK if you’re Tornado right now.
Devastator does eventually escape from Mr Psycho, only to run straight back into Tornado, who takes them on another push trip across the arena and into a CPZ, Matilda’s this time. Devastator seems to have learnt its lesson though, and gets out of there pretty quickly. That’s not to say it’s safe, not with Tornado seemingly exclusively going after them. Sawpoint 2 have done nothing all fight, and Ewe 2 have tried, but failed to have an active role. It’s still more than Sawpoint 2 though, because at least they’ve actually tried.
Next part is a bit of a mess, but whilst Ewe 2 goes off and opens up the pit, Sawpoint 2 and Devastator manage to get themselves mangled up in Matilda’s CPZ, with Tornado’s help. Sawpoint 2 catches a blow from Matilda’s flywheel, whilst an onrushing Mr Psycho wiped Devastator completely off the floor. Sawpoint do escape, but Devastator are well and truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. Eventually Psycho lets Devastator go, but the exchange is rather telling of how much Devastator looks out of its depth. So much for no weaknesses.
Everyone is now getting very close to the pit. They’ve split off into the usual pairs, but things are getting precarious. None are more precarious than Sawpoint 2, who thanks to the endeavour of Ewe 2, are now right on the edge of the pit. But it still takes some pushing and shoving to get them anywhere near looking like they’re going to go down. It’s one big balancing act.
But all things must come to an end, and Sawpoint 2’s foray into the Robot Wars arena is finally brought to an end. Now with nobody to target, Ewe 2 joins Tornado and in a joint effort, the push Devastator all the way into the pit. Well, I say into, but they can’t really go in because of Sawpoint 2. But they’re over it, so it’s basically the same. They’re out, Tornado and Ewe 2 are through.
So, time to delve into our second melee and see who will be joining Ewe 2 and Tornado in the head to head match-ups. First up is Leveller 2, which is another robot to sport a red and yellow paint job. A wedge shaped robot, it comes packed with a rather lethal looking flipper. Other than that’s it’s a fairly average wedge flipper. But as we’ve seen on the 7th wars, flipper are reigning supreme.
Next we have Tetanus Booster, which is a box shaped robot with protective sidebars and a drum spinner on the front. Invertible, like all good box shaped robots; Like a discount Tornado almost. If the drum spinner works, it could cause a hefty amount of damage.
Third is Barber-Ous 2’N A Bit, a robot that has a ridiculously long and complicated name but also some pretty cool designs. Basically a giant rotating barber’s pole, Barber-Ous is actually another drum spinner, but a full body one. The drum itself has metal spines sticking out, which is the main source of damage to the opponents. Could just as easily be destroyed itself though, because, ya know, it’s made of plastic.
And finally we have Thunderpants, the robot that didn’t actually make it as far as the arena. Do we care what type of robot Thunderpants is? No. No, we don’t.
Your house robots for this now 3 way melee are Mr Psycho and his mechanical dog, Growler. A gruesome twosome if ever there was one. But anyway, it’s time to begin!
Straight away, Leveller 2 and Barber-Ous go right at each other, colliding head one. Barber-Ous pretty much bounces away, just about avoiding the flipper. Tetanus comes in, just so that it can get involved, but soon leaves Barber-Ous to continue its attack on Leveller 2, and eventually one of the hits takes Leveller 2 off the ground and turns it over! Attack of the barber’s pole!
Now Leveller 2 is a flipper, so it can self right. In retaliation, Barber-Ous hit them AGAIN, flipping them over AGAIN. Nobody’s giving Leveller 2 a break here, are they? Barber-Ous decide to take a little break as Leveller regain their senses, so Tetanus Booster take over the aggressive attacks and almost rip the entire back panel off Leveller in their first hit.
Barber-Ous apparently have had enough, and are now just chilling in the centre of the arena. Honestly, I don’t think that’s how Robot Wars is supposed to work, but idk, they can do whatever they want. They’re probably going to get counted out if they carry on though. Leveller decide they might aswell try and exact some revenge, but even with Barber-Ous not moving, they still can’t get a flip in. That probably says more about Barber-Ous’ shape rather than Leveller 2’s incompetence. But still.
It’s fairly clear at this point who is going through. But that doesn’t stop Tetanus Booster from still going at Leveller 2, giving off some nice smoke effects from the wheels in the process. Refbot comes across to count out Barber-Ous, but as they prepare for that, Tetanus come across and tear the entire back panel off Leveller 2!
Tetanus Booster keeps this assault going, hitting Leveller 2 again with enough force to turn it over. Leveller 2 may be going through, but they have so far proved pretty much useless. And easily broken. Barber-Ous meanwhile has now officially been counted out, and is manoeuvred onto the floor flipper by Mr Psycho. And Barber-Ous does fly indeed, quite high into the air, before crashing back down to Earth. Psycho then picks them up and drives them over to the pit, dropping them in and out of the competition.
So Tetanus Booster and what is left of Leveller 2 join Tornado and Ewe 2 in the heat semi-finals. Can Tornado kick up a storm? Well, that’s what we’re going to find out. Until then…