Robot Wars Battle Of The Stars 2016 Part 2: Return Of The Killalot Spin

We know where we stand. With Interstellar MML having lost both of their battles, they are now out of the competition. At least, they can’t go through to the final. They still have another fight to go yet. And on the other side, The Cat is guaranteed a place in the final, having won both of their fights so far. That leaves Arena Cleaner and Jar to fight it out for the right to join The Cat in the finale. It’s probably a good thing that they’re going up against each other in the final round of fights then, isn’t it?

First though we have the dud fight of the round, with the already through Cat and the already out Interstellar going at it. In the arena for the house robots is Sir Killalot, because he takes no shit and is pretty damn badass himself.
And so we begin! The Cat starts this time by leading with the spinner, though still going side to side because it’s an uncontrollable little kitty. The first connection with Interstellar’s flipper sends sparks flying, but does not real damage to anyone, though it shows aggression and intent. Interstellar tries to show its own intent by firing the flipper about 12 years too late, by which time The Cat has already driven off and into Sir Killalot’s claw. Killalot’s new, jazzed up claw  survives the collision quite well; The Cat, conversely, does not. Infact, it dies. Yeah…


Killalot leaves The Cat to sit on the flame pit and chill out as its counted out, taking away its 100% record whilst it’s at it. Shane Swan, probably disappointed that his front hinged flipper hasn’t actually flipped anything in this episode, takes the controls of Interstellar and starts driving The Cat up the wall (Literally). Eventually they gain enough leverage that they manage to flip them over, signalling the first successful flip by a front hinged flipper in the new Robot Wars! That’s an oddly specific achievement but we’ll allow it.


So 3 points go to Interstellar, not that it does them any good. The highest they can finish now is 3rd. Cue a flashback to Overdozer, the most god awful robot to come out of the 8th wars.

Absolute abomination.png
Absolute abomination

Now The Cat may be through, but their loss has done some serious damage to the robot. In short, it’s screwed up their spinner mechanism, which apparently can take the force of tearing Arena Cleaner’s wheel off, but not hitting Sir Killalot’s claw. Still, enter Shane Swan who decides the best course of action is to hit it with a hammer. His best work is always done with a hammer.

Shane Swan and his hammer.png
Shane Swan and his hammer… A better love story than Twilight

Anyway, we have more fights to get on with, so let’s get on with them, because the next one is the big one. It’s Arena Cleaner vs. Jar for a place in the final. Will it be the spinning bar or the golden hammer that comes out on top?

Your house robot for this event is the one and only Shunt. They’ve liked using Shunt for this, it has to be said. Power of the bulldozer.
And so we begin! It’s a fast and furious start for both, not afraid to go straight in and get some action. And action is what we do get, with the first contact between Arena Cleaner’s blade and Jar’s protective scoop. Sparks fly and both robots and both robots bounce away from each other, recoiling from the assault.

Oh, and Jar dies. Yeah.


Arena Cleaner comes in and lands a few more glancing blows before time is up, though noting that causes a great deal of damage to the already dead robot. One of the wheels gets blown out, but that’s about it. Either way, Arena Cleaner are through to the final! Shunt comes in to do a cleanup job of his own on Jar, but apparently Arena Cleaner isn’t done fighting, and decides to take on Shunt themselves. First they tear the side protective bar part way off, before bouncing one off the rear scoop. Something tells me they may have got in a bit of trouble for that…

Cue house robot montage. Dear god there are a lot of montages in this episode.

Next up isn’t even a battle between any of our celebrities, but actually between Dara and Angela, and with some of the robots that competed last series. Dara got to take control of a slicker looking TR2, whilst Angela got Behemoth, with a new serrated edge scoop. This fight means literally nothing except to show us how much fun can be found in the hopelessness of our two wonderful presenters.

There are no house robots for this, being an exhibition match and all. Angela actually jumps the gun a bit, before kind of running away. Yeah, running away. After trying to turn back into the fight, she then fires Behemoth’s scoop. Whether accidentally or intentional, TR2 is not actually anywhere near her, and the power of the scoop puts Behemoth on its ass. It’s certainly interesting seeing the two presenters having to grapple with the controls of the robots, although to be fair they’re not doing a bad job of it. It may be a bit all over the place, but none of them have managed to break anything yet. Eventually, we get the moment we were waiting for! Dara manages to angle TR2 underneath Behemoth, then flips them up into the air. Behemoth does still land on its wheels and escapes, but we finally have some action! This seemingly sends Dara into a mini meltdown of joy, which is always nice to see.


Angela, trying to recover, actually manages to get lost. Somehow, in the vast arena, Angela loses Behemoth in one of the CPZs. We can see it on the TV, of course, it’s just that she can’t. [Insert should have gone to Specsavers pun here].

Once Angela has control back of her robot, she decides it’s time to go and activate the pit release mechanism. Except she manages to completely miss the tyre and just drive straight into the wall. On her second attempt though she does manage it, only to find TR2 waiting to begin the flipping frenzy once again. Tr2 looks good, even in the hands of Dara. It looks sleeker, slimmer, and it’s lost that goddamn axe. This time it takes Angela a while to get back over, including several frantic goes with the scoop. Fortunately, Behemoth does know how to self-right. It would be kind of inconvenient if it didn’t.

Angela, as it turns out, still can’t really work Behemoth. Between firing the scoop with nobody around to driving into things, she’s basically the definition of how not to operate a fighting robot. It is all quite spectacular though, especially with Behemoth looking like it’s going break dancing half the time it fires its weapon.


Dara does at the end allow Angela to flip him over, because it wouldn’t be fair otherwise, would it? They looked as if they had a lot of fun though. Can I have a go(?)

ANYWAY! We still have on more battle to go through, the finale of this first celebrity special. It’s once again a battle of the spinners, as The Cat takes on Arena Cleaner. Last time it was The Cat that came out on top, taking apart Arena Cleaner’s wheel with a suitably destructive blow. But who will come out on top this time?

Your house robot is Sir Killalot, because only the biggest for the best.
And we’re off! The Cat leads with the scoop, but quickly changes to the spinner as they inch closer to each other. After the first few seconds have passed, they both go in for an attack, colliding robots and sending them scattering, but still functional. The Cat looks a bit lethargic though, after several battles of out of control spinning around, it isn’t going very far, and Arena Cleaner has a clear shot at the exposed wheel, which it goes for. The spinning bar makes contact, but interestingly it’s the tyre on the other side of the robot that actually falls off. Eh….

The Cat is now spinning in circles, which is to be expected with just one wheel. Arena Cleaner is holding off somewhat though, wary of the fact The Cat’s disc is still spinning. Tentatively they go in again, this time causing damage to the other wheel (Or I suppose the same wheel they attacked the first time, just this time it actually affected that wheel and not the other one). The Cat is pretty much finished now, let’s be honest. Both robots touch discs, which while a fun collision doesn’t actually do anything. I think Arena Cleaner is trying to be conservative, because there’s no point destroying yourself when The Cat is still vaguely mobile. I’m not a psychic though, so don’t quote me on that.

With The Cat now having used up all 9 lives and then some, Arena Cleaner starts taking pieces out of the side armour, before going back and causing even more damage to the already destroyed wheels. Cease is finally called, and Arena Cleaner is our winner! But this wouldn’t be Robot Wars if Sir K didn’t get involved. So it comes along, picks The Cat up, does a little twirl and then roasts them over the fire for a bit (Flame Grilled Cat?). But then comes the main event, something we’ve all been waiting for since the good old days passed us by. Killalot takes The Cat, and begins to spin on the spot! Round and round they go, until Killalot lets them fly straight into the arena side wall. Ah, that was totally worth it.

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You spin me right round…

And so there we are, we have our champions! Or well, we have our champions for this one, because of course there is another celebrity special coming up. So buckle in, it’s going to be one hell of a ride…



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