Robot Wars S07E02 Part 2: Miniature Madness

We’ve now finished the initial melees, which means it’s time for this episode’s side event. This time we’re treated for the first heat in the Featherweight championships, which basically just means lots of very small robots fighting it out in a very big arena. These robots are: G2, Cygnus, Kitty, Mini Maul, Prince of Awe, Rip & Alpha. Now if you expect me to coherently manage to narrate what went on in this battle, then you’ll be wrong. It was pretty much a mess. Also, I stopped remembering half of which robots were which after the first 30 seconds.

First, a brief description. Rip (Header Picture) is a small green robot with a yellow scoop flipper. Kitty is literally a miniature Pussycat. Alpha is a dark box of doom with a front scoop on it. Mini Maul are also a dark box of doom, but aside from the scoop it also had a large rear spike. G2 is a box shaped robot with a lifting arm. Prince Of Awe was another flipper, and a more conventional wedge shaped flipper too. Cygnus is the final robot, which is a box on wheels with a miniature flipper.

Anyway, you’re house robots (Yes, the house robots are a part of this) are Sir Killalot, Mr Psycho and Growler. Because nobody at Mentorn seemingly ever heard of the phrase ‘overkill’.
And so we start. Dear god. Rip and POA were the first to make moves, flipping other opponents. The resolution on this video is so crap it’s sometimes hard to determine who is who. Infact, Rip got involved quite a lot early on, teaming up with G2 to flip what might have been Mini Maul. The house robots don’t seem to have any restraint in this battle, because they’re already roaming well outside of their CPZs and causing chaos. At  one point, Growler almost eats Kitty whole.

Rip mind are really getting into it. They’re easy enough to spot too with that paint job. Everyone else? Not so much. Kitty, Alpha, Mini Maul and Cygnus have all done fuck all. Infact, Cygnus got flipped fairly early on and can’t actually self right, so…
Now this is all well and good, but the house robots have become restless, so My Psycho decides to try and remedy this by grabbing the impressive Rip and crumpling the front end as it picks the robot up.

In a Psycho’s grip

Growler also has someone in his jaws. I don’t know who, but they are still alive and eventually escape. Psycho’s moved on from Rip and starts bashing Cygnus with the giant mallet. I suppose that’s what Cygnus deserves for being so awful. Actually, thinking about it, the Featherweight Championships just seem to be an excuse for the house robots to cause some real damage. Killalot has even taken it upon himself to drive over and completely crush Mini Maul. Like, the robot is completely destroyed. Nice one Killalot.
Back to the actual competitors though, and both Kitty and POA are ganging up on G2. POA flips them at the same time Kitty hits them, and the batteries fall out. So that’s G2 well and truly gone. Meanwhile:

Mini Maul… I think

Just to finish things off, Sir K takes the non-functional Cygnus and G2 and places them both on the floor flipper. A floor flipper that’s used to tossing 100Kg robots across the arena. So when they flew, my word did they fly. G2 sailed straight out of the arena and would have ended up in the audience had there not been the protective cover infront of them. Cygnus went higher than it did far, and bounced straight into the pit. It was a beautiful sight.

That left a few robots still moving to go to the judges. I’ll save you the suspense; Prince of Awe and Rip were the robots chosen to go through, because they were honestly the only ones still standing that actually did anything. Kitty launched like one attack, and I’m not sure if Alpha actually did do anything. It doubt it was a hard decision.

So now, back to the heavyweights! The Grim Reaper, Big Nipper, Jackson Wallop and Gyrobot were the 4 that went through into the heat semi-final. First up for us is The Grim Reaper vs. Gyrobot. The flipper vs. the spinner!

Gyrobot, for a laugh, seem to have taken some of Killerkat’s fur and plastered it to the spinner’s teeth. I suppose there are worse things to do to your robot.
Sir Killalot and the boxing bandit Cassius Chrome are your house robots. Let’s begin!

We start the fight with Gyrobot running away and The Grim Reaper not running away, giving TGR the advantage in 2 seconds flat when Gyrobot reverses into the arena side wall and TGR manages to get underneath and flip them. Gyrobot end up on their side first, but do eventually topple. Gyrobot run away again, but they run straight into Sir Killalot, who for some reason is wandering outside of his CPZ. All that does though is allow TGR to get in underneath again and flip Gyrobot back over!

Flipping fantastic.png
Flipping fantastic

Gyrobot’s spinning disc isn’t doing much to help it. Sure, it’s spinning, but it’s not spinning fast and not doing any damage. It lands a hit on The Grim Reaper, but succeeds only in sending itself flying across the flame pit and into Cassius Chrome, who is also out of his CPZ. For some reason in this episode the house robots don’t seem to care about their boundaries. I blame Channel 5.

From then on, it’s pretty much a procession. TGR flips Gyrobot, Gyrobot runs away and repeat. At one point Gyrobot does manage to get under The Grim Reaper, but it lasts about 3 seconds before they find themselves being flipped again. Now they’re also being ganged up on by the house robots, just to add to things. After escaping, Gyrobot no longer even disguises the fact it’s running away and does so all the way until it runs into Cassius Chrome. TGR, probably fed up of just flipping it and watching it run away, gives up on Gyrobot and opens up the pit.


You can probably guess most of what happens in the rest of the fight. Just re-read the last paragraph a couple more times. But the fact is, Gyrobot did survive long enough to take it to the judges. And so to the judges it went.

I mean, it’s not surprising that they went with The Grim Reaper, right? It really isn’t. Gyrobot were TERRIBLE.

So, we have the first of our robots through to the heat final. But now the question is, who is going to join them? Jackson Wallop or Big Nipper? And next time, that’s what we’re going to find out.

Until then…


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