Robot Review Ranking: The Final Standings

It’s been a long road to get this far. But eventually all 40 robots were ranked according to their performances (And performances against how they were expected to perform) in the 8th Wars. They ranged from the sublime to the god awful, and just about everywhere in between.

Of course, these ranking just took into account the heats. I could have included the Grand Final too, but I thought that would skew things a bit seeing as there were only 6 robots in that. So I did a little separate rankings for the Grand Final, which are as follows:

Pulsar: 2.5/10
Shockwave: 4/10
Thor: 6/10
TR2: 7/10
Carbide: 8/10
Apollo:  8/10

Those are completely separate from the actual rankings, but I still wanted to give some kind of indication. Anyway, shall we start the countdown, from 40 all the way down to 1?

40. Overdozer (S08E03): -2/10

Overdozer

The worst robot on the show by a country mile. I mean, it was made of wood, it died after one hit and it did a grand total of absolutely nothing, except fall apart. It was hilariously awful.

39. Chimera (S08E02): 0.5/10

One Wheel Chimera

Chimera came into Robot Wars with the world’s most exposed tyres, then proceeded to have then shredded by MR Speed Squared. That’s it. That’s basically all they did in the entire battle. I suppose they could still go round in circles for a bit at least.

38. Orte (S08E03): 1/10

Orte

It’s hard to be able to gauge Orte properly, considering it fucking died after just 5 seconds, having done, er, nothing. Way to go guys.

37. Sweeney Todd (S08E04): 1.5/10

Sweeney Todd

Sweeney Todd took the concept of ‘Box on Wheels’ a little too seriously. They also came in there with the most pathetic angle grinders and proceeded to wander around aimlessly for half their battle before becoming a pinball for the other competitors. I do have to give them credit for lasting as long as they did though.

36. Thermidor 2 (S08E05): 1.5/10

Steamed Lobster

Thermidor 2 is a robot that either does really well, or really badly. This time around it decided to do really badly, ending in the robot inexplicably trying to roast itself, having failed at everything else during the battle.

35. Disconstructor (S08E02): 1.5/10

DisConstructor_2016

Disconstructor ended up in the pit very, very quickly, but they at least gave it a go, landing a couple of hits on TAN before their demise. They were also the first robot to take a ride on the floor flipper, so there’s that.

34. Bonk (S08E01): 2/10

Bonk

Let’s face it, Bonk were fairly useless. They managed to land one hit with their axe before it died, and then proceeded to run away for the rest of the battle before Behemoth ended their hopes and dreams and Carbide started kicking them whilst they were down. Also: Box on wheels.

33. Terror Turtle (S08E04): 2.5/10

terror_turtle_2016

Possibly the least scary robot in the entire competition. Made of fibreglass. Spent the entire heat being pushed around by Storm 2 before Eruption finally tossed them out of the arena like a pancake. The hatchling at least gave us a small bit of entertainment.

32. Crazy Coupe 88 (S08E05): 2.5/10

crazy-coupe-88

Crazy Coupe 88 had the twin spinning blades of doom, that turned out to actually not be particularly deadly at all. Most famous for being so short Gabriel could actually drive over them, and for being the only robot Beast really managed to flip all tournament. Wacky design though.

31. Foxic (S08E02): 2.5/10

Foxic_wedgedown

Foxic are the lowest ranked robot that actually made it out of the initial melee, which should tell you just how awful it was. Managed to get into the Head to Heads simply by hiding in a corner, but was then exposed for being near undriveable. Part of the most boring fight in the series too, although there was some joy when they started pushing Dead Metal around.

30. Infernal Contraption (S08E05): 3/10

infernal_contraption

A robot ruled more by gyroscopic forces that anything else, Infernal Contraption at least tried to be useful during its heat, and certainly wasn’t low on aggression. What it was low on included damage and the ability not to drive down the pit.

29. Draven (S08E02): 3/10

Draven

Draven was another robot that also attempted to put up a good fight… And also failed. It certainly wasn’t afraid of pushing Foxic around, but got rather shredded when it found itself up against MR Speed Squared.

28. Sabretooth (S08E04)

sabretooth_2016

Sabretooth came in as the robot with many weapons. Unfortunately, the one it probably needed the most- the self-righting arm- wasn’t actually working. Still managed to cause some superficial damage to Eruption before being flipped over and stranded.

27. Razer (S08E01): 3/10

Razer-Robot-Wars

Great things were expected of former UK and World Champions Razer, and they seemed to be starting off well, spending their time grappling with a drain pipe on wheels and puncturing holes through minibots. Then they decided it would be a good idea to try and put Kill-E-Crank-E in the pit, and unfortunately went in there with them. Oops.

26. Glitterbomb (S08E03): 3.5/10

Dantomkia_vs_Glitterbomb

Glitterbomb is a case of what could have been. Placed in a heat that gave them a good chance of progressing at least to the Head to Heads, a CO2 tank failure left the axe non-functional after just a couple of hits. Still took Dantomkia a couple of attempts to immobilise them though.

25. Kan-Opener (S08E04): 4/10

kanopener_2016

Kan-Opener took a great liking to fellow competitor PP3D, engaging in an epic grappling match that couldn’t even be ended by the floor flipper. Eventually their run was halted by Apollo, who tossed them so hard the removable link fell out. Ah well.

24. Tough As Nails (S08E02): 4/10

TAN

Tough As Nails came in as the only overseas entrant, and put up a good fight against eventual Grand Finalist Thor especially, controlling a grappling match right until the end, where Thor managed to knock out their removable link. So close, and yet so far.

23. M.R Speed Squared (S08E02): 4/10

MRS2

M.R Speed Squared started off so well, obliterating both Chimera and Draven in their opening melee. But from there on things started to go downhill, and they were lucky to score any points in a dire fight against Foxic. Still, the potential was there.

22. Kill-E-Crank-E (S08E01): 5/10

Kill E Crank E

Despite the obvious comparison to looking like a drainpipe on wheels, and doing basically no damage at all, Kill-E-Crank-E stood up really well to Razer’s onslaught, and also managed to have the tactical foresight to drag them down into the pit with them. That’s deserving of the 5/10 in itself.

21. Beast (S08E05): 5/10

beast

The unfortunate robot to just miss out on the Top 20, Beast made their way into the Head to Heads by tossing Crazy Coupe 88 out of the equation, but were somewhat underwhelming in the next round, failing to put up any kind of resistance to their opponents.

20. The General (S08E01): 6/10

The_General

The General looked like a farm vehicle and drove a bit like one too, but managed to make quite a spark show with Behemoth’s scoop and looked good. Unfortunately, it had to also come up against Carbide. I don’t envy anyone having to come up against Carbide.

19. Chompalot (S08E05): 6/10

chompalot

Chompalot looked like a dragon and breathed fire like one too, albeit not intentionally. Managed to reach the Head to Heads despite suffering extensive damage, but put up one hell of a fight against Gabriel before finally turning itself into slightly singed scrap metal.

18. King B Remix (S08E03): 6/10

King B Remix

King B Remix started well in the heats, taking care of Overdozer with one blow and then managing to put a hole in Dantomkia in the process. However, they came somewhat unstuck in the next round, suffering crushing defeats to STK, Big Nipper and TR2. Ah well, at least it understands Japanese.

17. Supernova (S08E03): 6/10

Supernova_2016

Supernova may have gone out in the first round, but they caused a great deal of damage in the process, taking Orte out in 5 seconds flat and bending Big Nipper’s spinning disc out of place in their clash. Unfortunately the ultimate power of their spinning disc was their downfall, the gyroscopic forces sending them straight down the pit.

16. Eruption (S08E04): 6/10

flipped-like-a-pancake

Eruption came in with a big reputation, and seemed to start on the right track, immobilising Sabretooth and tossing Terror Turtle out of the arena. But they lost a tough fight to Storm 2, and got demolished by PP3D. Defeated Apollo, but failed to quite live up to expectation.

15. PP3D (S08E04): 6.5/10

pp3d

PP3D came in as a frightening prospect, but couldn’t quite unleash the hell it had locked inside. It still managed to make a mess of Sweeney Todd and Eruption, and even managed to take out one of Apollo’s wheels in the initial melee. One to watch if they return next year, that’s for sure.

14. Behemoth (S08E01): 6.5/10

Carbide v Behemoth

Behemoth made it all the way to the heat final of Episode 1, but weren’t the most convincing robot on their way there. Outclassed by Terrorhurtz despite eventual victory in their H2H, plus unable to finish off Nuts whilst being torn apart by Carbide two fights in a row. They deserve credit for reaching the heat final, but could still do better.

13. Big Nipper (S08E03): 7/10

end-him

UK FRA Champion Big Nipper had a job on its hands, but put up a respectable performance. Despite almost driving themselves into the pit on several occasions, they had an epic clash with Supernova in the heat and managed to turn King B Remix into confetti. Flippers were their achilles heel, and they were unfortunate enough to have to come up against 2 of them.

12. Terrorhurtz (S08E01): 7/10

Terrorhurtz

UK Champion hell raiser, Terrorhurtz were unfortunate not to reach the heat final on account of their axe not firing. Despite that, they managed to defeat eventual Grand Finalists Carbide hands down in their H2H, and were dominating Behemoth before being overturned. If the axe had been working properly, it could have been a different story.

11. Nuts (S08E01): 7/10

Nuts

Nuts were a fan favourite of the 8th wars, surviving against the odds to reach the Head to Heads. Whilst in the H2Hs, they came across a rather determined Carbide, who quite literally tore them into about 8 different pieces. Still, they put themselves back together (Sort of), and managed to complete their set of fights. Boss that.

10. Gabriel (S08E05): 7/10

they-see-me-rolling

Kicking off the Top 10 we have heat finalists Gabriel, an innovative robot with a rather elegant sword and a ridiculous ground clearance. Managed to whack Chompalot into submission and then some, and also handed Beast an ass whooping. However, they struggled against the spinners, Ironside and Pulsar, and that was their eventual undoing.

9. Pulsar (S08E05): 7/10

Pulsar

Pulsar won their heat, but it was not an easy journey for them. Originally eliminated in the initial melee after having their wheel housing caved in by Ironside 3, Pulsar made a return to replace Chompalot, and took it from there, defeating Beast and (eventually) getting revenge on Ironside 3. They then took Gabriel to a judges’ decision in the heat final, and prevailed.

8. Ironside 3 (S08E05): 7.5/10

ironside_3

Ironside 3 were very unlucky to miss out on reaching their heat final, but created robot hell in their time in the arena. After ending Pulsar’s mobility and taking Chompalot apart in the initial melee, they managed to repeat the feat against Beast, before taking an easy judges’ decision against Gabriel, having shredded their wheel tread in every conceivable place. Eliminated by Pulsar, but even in defeat they managed to push them into the pit.

7. Dantomkia (S08E03): 7.5/10

Dantomkia

Dantomkia, under new ownership, got very close to taking the battle of the flippers in episode 3. After literally taking apart Overdozer, they also scored good wins against King B Remix and Big Nipper (Despite losing their flipper end in the process). But it all came crashing down against the near unstoppable TR2, despite their best efforts otherwise.

6. Storm 2 (S08E04): 7.5/10

Storm-2

Highest ranked robot not to reach the Grand Final, Storm 2 put on one hell of a show, and got very, very close. Started off slow in the melee, but put on a commanding display to nullify Eruption, and showed the tactical prowess to eliminate PP3D in an explosive contest. Even in both the defeats to eventual winners Apollo, the battles themselves were top class entertainment, with Storm 2 even getting close to putting Apollo in the pit first time around.

5. Shockwave (S08E02): 8/10

Shockwave

We’re into the big guns now. Shockwave shocked everyone with just how well they performed, pushing Disconstructor down the pit straight off and then contributing to TAN’s downfall. Steadily made their way through the Head to Heads, but managed to avenge their crushing defeat to Thor by taking their tormentor and pushing them down and into the pit, sealing their GF place.

4. Thor (S08E02): 8/10

Thor

Thor achieved the wildcard, and rightly so. An impressive set of performances saw them eliminate Tough as Nails in the initial melee, before putting holes through M.R Speed Squared and tearing apart the bucket scoop of Shockwave in their first encounter. They may have been defeated next in a rematch because something in their robot was shaken loose, but the performance as a whole was highly impressive.

3. Apollo (S08E04): 8.5/10

Apollo

Apollo were the great entertainers, taking everything a step further than just winning. They blitzed their heat despite losing a wheel, and then managed to toss PP3D so far that they knocked out the removable link in their H2H. An entertaining battle against Storm 2 gave them the points they needed to get through to the heat final- whilst also showing their dislike of the house robots- and even though they lost to Eruption, they were looking good. A heat final against Storm 2 saw another house robot feel Apollo’s wrath, and Storm 2 fly out of the arena. Not a bad run at all.

2. Carbide (S08E01): 8.5/10

Carbide-Robot-Wars

Carbide were the robots of ultimate destruction, taking no prisoners along their way to the Grand Final. After taking a wheel of The General in the initial melee, they then proceeded to obliterate Nuts and detach Behemoth’s scoop from its body. They did suffer defeat to Terrorhurtz, showing they weren’t invulnerable, but the eventual heat final demolition of Behemoth proved how fantastic their power was.

1. TR2 (S08E03): 10/10

TR2

TR2 ran, quite literally, a perfect heat The only robot to come out of the heats with a 100% record, TR2 couldn’t even depend on their flipper in the initial melee, but still managed to help take care of Supernova. Then followed domination in the Head to Heads against King B Remix, Big Nipper and Dantomkia- twice. They never looked much in trouble, and that makes them the perfect robot to take the top spot.

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