Robot Review: Ironside 3 (S08E05)

OK, so maybe saying I was going to be finished by October was a little optimistic. I mean I didn’t do badly, I’ve only got 3 robots left (This one included), but there we are. The main reason I said it was because I didn’t want it to interfere with NaNoWriMo, but I’ll just have to find time to do both and not have a mental breakdown in the process. Anyway…

Ironside 3 is another ferocious spinner (Seemed to be a lot of them in the 8th wars), and much like Carbide it is a bar spinner. Ironside has a different trade-off, with the bar being heavier (35Kg), but with a slower rotating speed (1,500rpm). Still, you wouldn’t want to get hit by that, would you?

If you’re wondering why the robot is called ‘Ironside 3’, the first 2 Ironsides were actually featherweight robots, Ironside 2 basically being a mini version of the heavyweight you now see before you. The team behind Ironside 3 also had a hand in the previous series of Robot Wars, with Mighty Mouse and Velocirippa. So there’s experience hiding in there too.

Anyway, Ironside 3 faced a tough matchup in its first fight, coming up against fellow spinner Pulsar, fire breathing dragon Chompalot and veteran flippers Thermidor 2. Would the bar spinner be enough to get them through?
Well at the start of the battle, Ironside found themselves being chased by Chompalot. They evaded nicely, and Chompalot ended up in the CPZ of a certain robot bulldozer. Score 1 for Ironside. Soon it would be score 2 for Ironside, as they came in side on against Pulsar, missed the deadly drum spinner and managed to strike them hard on the side armour panel protecting their wheels

Talk about devastating damage.

Not satisfied with just attacking Pulsar, Ironside then joined the squabbling pair of Thermidor 2 and Chompalot, deciding to use the bar spinner to play pinball with Chompalot and send them skating across the arena, because why not?

A medely of robots.png
A medley of robots

Eventually Ironside went back to Pulsar (They seemed to like doing the round on everyone, one at a time), and managed to hit them in much the same place as they did last time, but this time they caved in the entire wheel on one side of the robot. And that, ladies and gentlemen, finished off Pulsar for this melee, because now all they could do was go in circles. If you follow the logic that Ironside is going for everyone in like a rotary pattern, that would make Thermidor 2 their next victim. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened. I suppose they didn’t care Thermidor was already very dead. Chompalot followed (Again), this time the hit tearing an entire body panel off.


That was basically it for the melee, and a dominant performance made Ironside 3 look like the ones to watch. So who was first in the Head to Heads? That would be Beast. The furious flipper came in with nothing but scaffolding for armour, so could Ironside once again assert its dominance?

Well, yes. They could.

Ironside weren’t low on aggression early on, landing a couple of early blows. Unfortunately both blows were pretty much on Beast’s flipper, and so did no lasting damage. But them kept coming, never lingering long enough for Beast to attack them either. Ironside have a srimech, but you would rather not have to try it out.
They landed another blow, and another blow, but still Beast kept coming. Ironside weren’t about to let up either though, landing another blow. This one had done damage though, once again taking out a competitor’s locomotion by ruining Beast’s wheel.


And that was basically it. Ironside landed another good couple of blows on their stricken opponent, just for good measure, but it was 3 points on the board and a good start to the H2Hs. So who was next?


Gabriel is an interesting robot, but the giant wheels they sport make it the perfect target. And that is exactly what Ironside 3 went for first. Infact their first blow shook the wheel to its plastic foundations, but in fairness it still held firm. It was a powerful hit though, and once again Ironside looked in business.

Point of Impact.png
Point of Impact

Gabriel was now also sporting less rubber tread on the tyres, but was still holding up. Infact, no matter how many times Ironside 3 attacked the wheels of Gabriel, they stood up to the test. Gabriel itself wasn’t doing much, other than acting as one giant shock absorber, but that it was doing well.

At one point Gabriel drove into Sir Killalot’s CPZ, not that it meant much to Ironside. They came un to attack- and almost looked as if they were going to try for Sir K’s tracks, but in the end thought better of it and just went back to tearing Gabriel a new one. The next hit was possibly the biggest of the lot. Still, Gabriel stood. Infact, it’s not an exaggeration to say Gabriel withstood everything. Ironside utterly annihilated them in terms of battle play, and yet Gabriel survived.

Ironside won though, of course. The fact that Gabriel survived did mean they only got the 2 points for a judges’ decision though…

Finally, Ironside 3 met Pulsar. I know what you’re thinking- “HOW?”- but after Chompalot dramatically burst into flames, Pulsar got reinstated. This also made it a fight for the final. Win, and Ironside would be through. Lose, and they would go home. Kinda sucks having won your first two fights to know you could go out to someone you knocked out earlier.

Ironside started this fight a lot more cautiously, trying to get around Pulsar and attack from the side, like they did in the initial melee. But Pulsar were all by themselves this time, and with no distractions, it was almost inevitable they would meet head on. When they did, it was Ironside who was sent flying through the air, landing upside down and stranded, holding on for their life.

Up and over.png
Up and Over

Now, I said before than Ironside 3 can self-right. Well, they weren’t exactly doing much of that when they were flipped over, so instead Pulsar came along and started attacking them again, in the end pushing them into Sir Killalot’s CPZ. Sir Killalot then picks them up, drops them and accidentally rights them. So Ironside are back in the game?

Not quite.

They thought they were, but they had actually been upside down long enough to be deemed immobile, and had been counted out. They didn’t know that at this point, so carried on. They spent most of the rest of the fight with no active weapon, because it had died, and so they decided to activate the pit, because strategy. You know what happened, don’t you? Ironside pushed Pulsar into the pit.

Now you can see why the Ironside 3 boys would be pissed. They thought they’d won, only to be told that they had been immobilised about 2 minutes earlier. It’s ridiculous and I feel sorry for them, but that’s how it went down. Feels like the Mexican GP we had this weekend, but more robotic.

So, with Ironside leaving the competition despite having 5 points, how did they do? Well I thought they did well. They completely bossed their heat, single-handedly ending Pulsar and tearing apart Chompalot. They then destroyed both Beast and Gabriel in the H2Hs, even if Gabriel was still standing. Sure, they lost against Pulsar, but they still managed to get them in the pit with no active weapon. That deserves some bonus points.

Robot Rating (Ironside 3): 7.5/10



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