Robot Review: Infernal Contraption (S08E05)

Infernal Contraption has a rather long name, which is ironic given that the robot is rather quite small. Infact, the robot is basically just two wheels attached to a 1000rpm, 16kg spinning drum. Now 1000rpm would have been good back in the day, but in 2016 and the 8th wars, it’s not all that impressive. Infernal Contraption’s body is made from a sewage pipe. Yes, a sewage pipe. I made so many jokes about Kill-E-Crank-E being a drainpipe, but there is genuinely a robot here that is made of pipe. Supposedly that’s going to double up as the robot’s armour…

It’s fucking plastic.

Still, it’s not all bad I suppose. The robot is a Stinger type robot that can flip on its axis, meaning it can swing the drum over itself and crash onto another robot. Quite how effective it will be, nobody knows. The whole purpose of a stinger type robot is to use the kinetic energy gained through the swing to batter the opponents, but as Infernal Contraption is very short, it can’t build up that much energy in a swing. Infernal Contraption also suffers from the gyroscopic forces of being an axle based robot, which can make your robot pull funky dance moves, but can also see them accidentally Tango into the pit (Just ask Supernova)

Anyway, IC were up against Gabriel- another Stinger type robot but with a long ass sword- Crazy Coupe 88 and Beast. No pressure.

And at the start, Infernal Contraption were already under pressure from Beast, who probably fancied them given that IC weighs just 86kg, and Beast has a full pressure flipper. Beast’s first flip missed, but it was a warning to IC, who were basically just flailing about in the middle of the arena. Gyroscopic forces!
Eventually IC gravitated to Gabriel, who launched an attack of their own. This one was closer to landing, but still Infernal Contraption could manage to cause any damage. They then spent the next 20 seconds driving into the arena side wall.

Then the drum stopped spinning, which was useful… Not.

There was a bit more action as IC got sandwiched between Gabriel and Beast, but it couldn’t exactly do much anymore other than run away. I mean that was basically all it was doing anyway, but now it was the only thing it could do.
Unfortunately it didn’t run away for long before Gabriel gave it a bit of a beating. I can’t say they didn’t deserve it.

Now if you thought that was bad, Infernal Contraption’s demise was even worse. Seeing that they had no other option, IC activated the pit release mechanism. They then drove into Beast, bounced off Beast and drove themselves straight into the pit they had literally just opened. Robotic suicide at its finest.

Robot Suicide.png
Robot Suicide

Now there’s two ways I work out a score for a robot. It’s partly based on how they do, but also on how they do compared to how I expected them to do. All Infernal Contraption did in that match was drive around a bit, bounce off robots, get hammered by Gabriel and then drive themselves into the pit. They were basically useless. But the thing is, I expected them to be useless. They even managed to survive longer than I expected them to. So if you wanted to see a 1/10 score like Thermidor last time out, I’m afraid you’re going to be a little disappointed.

Robot Rating (Infernal Contraption): 3/10

As an aside, I wrote this whilst watching Prehistoric Park, which as well as being an awesome show, is also very distracting. I very almost referred to Infernal Contraption as a Titanosaur once, about half way through writing this. Probably would have had more success if it was one tbh.

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