Robot Review: Terror Turtle (S08E04)

I don’t know about you guys, but I honestly think Terror Turtle may be the least scary robot we actually had competing this year. I mean I know it has the word ‘Terror’ in its name, but the thing is seriously a fibreglass turtle on wheels. How could anybody be scared of that? It even has an adorable little hatchling to go with it, which is both one of the most useless minibots in history, although it is certainly rivalled by Complete Control’s flowerpot minibot (See, I still make Battlebots references every now and again). Of course, Terror Turtle is the opposite to the likes of former competitor Fluffy, which had an adorable name, but was batshit crazy destructive (When it actually worked). Actually, talking of Fluffy, did you know that Terror Turtle was badly damaged by Fluffy in a 7th wars qualifier? 

It probably didn’t help the Terror Turtle cause that they built their robot out of Fibreglass. It’s not quite Overdozer’s MDF armour, but it’s about as unforgiveable. Fibreglass was maybe acceptable in the first 3 wars, but Terror Turtle didn’t come along until Extreme 2, which was after the 6th wars. Terror Turtle also has the speed of a turtle at 5mph, but the hatchling could get up to 20mph at least. 

Add onto the fact TT lost in the first round of New Blood in Extreme 2, were flipped out of the arena in their 7th wars opening fight, then got pitted in their 3rd World Championship qualifier. In other words, Terror Turtle had never won a televised Robot Wars fight. If you can’t tell, I didn’t have high hopes.

So, Terror Turtle found itself in a heat alongside Storm 2, Eruption and Sabretooth. Sabretooth was the only robot that really had any chance of taking apart the fibreglass turtle shell (spinning drum), but with a former UK Champion, and a former World Champion, also in the arena, Terror Turtle were up against it before the fight had even begun.

But when the fight did begin, Terror Turtle didn’t really move much, instead allowing the hatchling to get in on the action, mixing in with the other 3 competitors. Of course, you can’t hide in Robot Wars (Unless you’re Foxic), and soon the main component to Terror Turtle found itself being pushed around by Storm 2. Even though Storm 2 now has the speed of a snail on acid, it’s still 7mph faster than Terror Turtle and has a whole lot more pushing power too. Basically, the next 30 seconds were just TT being pushed around by Storm 2. They did get pushed into Eruption at one point, which was pretty much the only time the disc made contact with a moving target, and it wasn’t even their decision to do it.

Turtle in a jam.png
Turtle in a jam

Eruption, whilst ending Sabretooth’s life, then also managed to overturn the hatchling, simply by virtue of being a wedge shape. Skip forward a bit, because editing, and Terror Turtle are now upside down. How? Who knows! Here I was thinking having a full hour to do this episode meant we could see the full 3 minutes of fights, but apparently not because now I have to guess which one Eruption or Storm 2 turned them over. Given the fact Storm 2 was also turned over in that shot, I’m going to go with Eruption. Not that it matters much, because Terror Turtle have themselves stuck in the corner anyway; After some more shoving by Storm 2, Eruption then immobilises the hatchling by pinning it up against the wall. I suppose that’s half the problem taken care of.

It would seem Storm 2 and Eruption have had enough of Terror Turtle’s presence in the arena, because now they’re ganging up on it, pushing it into the immobile Sabretooth. Eruption then gets underneath Terror Turtle, drives them across the arena, and then takes them out of it completely. Game over. Are we really surprised?

So, how did Terror Turtle do? Well fairly terrible, but that wasn’t surprising. I honestly expected to get nothing out of TT, so for them to last as long as they did was an achievement in itself, but they were utterly useless the entire time. The hatchling was useless too. Sure, they survived about 3x as long as Sabretooth, but they were about 4x less effective the entire time they were out there, and I cannot bring myself to give them a higher score than their opponents. Infact, most of this score comes purely down to the fact they lasted a hell of a lot longer than I thought they would, and didn’t blow themselves in half in the process.

Robot Rating (Terror Turtle): 2.5/10


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