Robot Review: Chimera (S08E02)

If I were to try and describe Chimera, I would probably go with this: A couple of Ford Fiesta wheels attached to a spiky pole. If that doesn’t tell you all you need to know about the robot, then I don’t know what will. First and foremost, look at those wheels. THEY’RE MASSIVE. And they’re totally exposed. They might aswell have painted a giant frickin’ target on their backs, not least because there was a spinner, M.R Speed Squared, in their opening heat. They’re like a cheap imitation of Stinger (The British Stinger, not Matt Maxham’s fire breathing American version which is about 5000x better than Chimera)

The other robots to enter their heat were Draven and Foxic. Both were fairly flat, low to the ground robots, making Chimera’s best hope for success an attack with the pointy axe onto their flat tops, maybe puncturing or piercing it. But that requires precision, something Chimera didn’t really have. It’s why UK Stinger went with a giant mace on the end instead.

Onto the battle then, because I don’t have much else in the way of build-up to say. It is genuinely that bad.
So the battle starts, and Chimera does… well nothing. They mill around in the centre of the arena for a little bit, rocking backwards and forwards, until M.R Speed Squared comes along and tears one of the giant tyres in half. IN HALF. If they were having mobility problems before, then they’ve certainly got them now. Now limping around like a wounded buffalo, Draven tries to take a bite out of their actual bodywork. They don’t, because Draven also doesn’t have a working weapon, but Chimera certainly didn’t at all retaliate either. They didn’t even try.

And then the wheel came off.

One Wheel Chimera.png
One wheel on your wagon

You almost didn’t see it coming. M.R Speed Squared almost seemed to glide across the arena, a silent assassin. It pretty much only glanced Chimera’s wheel- and bear in mind, this is the wheel that was fully intact before becoming detached- but that was enough to liberate it from the robot.
Chimera can now pretty much only run in circles, a side effect of only possessing one wheel. I’m honestly quite amazed it could still do that. Of course, as an actual competing robot, it was finished.

I had to fight myself so hard not to give Chimera a 0/10. It was hopeless. At least the likes of Draven and Disconstructor tried to get involved, however inept they were at it. Chimera just sat there, waiting for M.R Speed Squared to tear them apart. Granny’s Revenge put up more of a fight than they did. Hell, even 7th wars Terrorhurtz put up more of a fight than they did.
But it did at least move a little bit before being torn apart, so that’s my excuse not to give it zero.

Robot Rating (Chimera): 0.5/10

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