Robot Review: Nuts (S08E01)

I told you this was going to be disjointed. It’s Friday, which means in 3 days time, I’ll be writing the recap for week 3 of the 8th wars, and yet here I am, revisiting my robot reviews from week 1. Something tells me I may be ever so slightly out of my depth here, but that has never stopped me before (That’s a lie, it’s stopped me plenty of times).

On the menu this time around is Nuts, the adorably crap robot that somehow made its way through the first round and into the head to heads, where they stood up fairly well to everyone… Except Carbide. In fact, once Carbide were done with them, Nuts found itself in about 7 different pieces. But isn’t that what’s so awesome about Robot Wars? You sometimes get some fun, jokey robots that actually end up getting further than anybody expected them to. Diotor managed to knock Tornado out in the 5th wars, and they spent most of their life on fire. Granny’s Revenge also spent most of its life on fire, but then that’s what happens when you but a plastic grandma into a wheelchair then cover her in flammable rags. I’m fairly sure Sgt Bash was one of the house robots in that fight purely so that it could set Granny’s Revenge on fire. The fact Refbot (RIP Refbot, gone but never forgotten) fell in the pits along with the flaming mess just made things even better, especially when you consider the fact that Refbot was the only robot actually capable of putting the fire out in the first place.

I have gone completely off topic, so let’s get back on track. If you want to picture Nuts, it’s the kind of robot I would have built on Robot Wars: Arenas of Destruction when you first start off with basically no money. You have to make the robot’s armour out of aluminium foil and just stick hundreds of spikes onto it because they’re cheaper than something that moves. OK, so Nuts is a bit better than that- For one, they have a protective ring to try and stop most attacks (Not that it ever really worked), and they have chains on instead of static spikes. It’s the same principle. They also have really annoying, and useless, minibots, a concept that really should have stayed with Battlebots (See: Witch Doctor, Battlebots Season 2)

Nuts first round melee was against former World and UK Champions Razer, former double UK Champions Terrorhurtz and Kill-E-Crank-E. So nobody actually expected Nuts to get through. But sometimes it might be better to be the underdog?
When the fight started, it was fairly obvious Terrorhurtz and Razer were teaming up against the other competitors. Whilst Razer went after K-E-C-E, Terrorhurtz went after Nuts. To be fair to Nuts, it was avoiding the axe fairly well at the start. They weren’t actually doing much- usually it took Terrorhurtz pushing them around a bit before they really got going- but they were standing up well.
Then it was very almost over. K-E-C-E activated the pit just as Nuts was driving over it. The new pit opens up very quickly, and Nuts were very lucky to get away before they went down. Very lucky. And it was luck that would keep them in it. Razer at one point basically skewered one of Nuts’ minibots, and now Terrorhurtz was managing to get hits in. But when Razer grasped hold of Kill-E-Crank-E and drove both of them into the pits, Nuts suddenly found themselves into the next round.

Moving onto the head to heads, and Nut would have to face off against heat rivals Terrorhurtz, the spinning terror of Carbide and Behemoth, who have the lifting bucket of doom.
The first head to head was against Behemoth. Neither robot seemingly had a weapon capable of outright destroying the other, it looked as if it were going to be a war of attrition. And so it was, with Behemoth turning Nuts over as it pushed the bot onto the flame pit (Nuts is invertible, so it didn’t matter as much).


Nuts, as a form of reply, attempted to spin the robot around, using the chains like flails. In the end, the only thing that achieved was hitting its own minibot half way across the arena. Behemoth was not deterred, however, and managed to get Nuts into the arena spikes, then even further into the clutches of the arena’s resident space hedgehog. Nuts was still surviving quite well though, even with Behemoth’s onslaught. Even Nut’s minibots were holding up well, especially when Behemoth quite literally launched one 10ft into the air. It carried on that way for the rest of the fight, though at one point both Behemoth and Nuts managed to drive into Matilda’s flywheel. Nice one boys.

Nuts lost the judges’ decision, of course. But they survived. The same can’t be said for their next fight.

That fight was, of course, with Carbide. I’m afraid Nuts didn’t really ever stand a chance. As soon as the battle started and Carbide spun up the bar spinner, Nuts were on the back foot. The first hit severed one of the chains that used to be attached to the protective ring about half way down, showering the floor with metal links. The second hit not only KOed one of the mini bots, but as Nuts began to spin around to defend itself, the entire protective ring came off.

Nuts minus protective ring
“Oh shit”

The only option now for Nuts was to run away, something they did fairly well until they collided with the arena wall. A couple of hits from Carbide sent them spinning into Sir Killalot’s CPZ and over the fire. They managed to get away for a little while, until Carbide connected with one of their wheels, sending them flying into the pit release button. One more hit and Nut’s wheel FLIES OUT OF THE ARENA. It literally detaches itself and goes out of the arena. Madness. Carbide then set about the final minibot and Shunt before cease is called. All in all, a bit too late to save Nuts.

Amazingly, Nuts does get put back together in time for its fight with Terrorhurtz. It’s a minor miracle that it can call itself a functioning robot, even if it now has wonky wheels.

Terrorhurtz has had problems itself, namely an inability to fire the axe. This time around the axe does seem to be working, and Terrorhurtz looks to pick up where it left off in the heat melee, raining blows down on the exposed top of Nuts. They also manage to push them into Shunt’s CPZ, though Shunt doesn’t bother with them much. Eventually, they escape.
That’s when things get weird. As Terrorhurtz attempts to damage Nuts with the blunt-headed axe, it actually gets one of Nuts’ chains stuck inside its wheel housing. As Terrorhurtz attempted to disconnect from Nuts, they tore the protective ring clean off. And it was still stuck under them.

Terrorhurtz ring
Terrorhurtz’ new bodywork addition.

Now Nuts were once again defenceless. Fortunately, Terrorhurtz were having trouble themselves actually driving around with the ring attached, though they did at one point us it to good effect to swat Nuts’ only surviving minibot out of the way. And so it continued, an effort by Terrorhurtz to really get the axe in, something they still achieved, even very almost getting Nuts down the pit. Nuts meanwhile seemed to be holding up fairly well for a robot that was, to all intents and purposes, currently being held together by duct tape, super glue and WD40.

And so it went to the judges. Nuts lost, of course, but they survived. Somehow.

So how did Nuts do? Well they were lucky to get through the first round, sure. But they held up fairly well against both Behemoth and Terrorhurtz, even in defeat. I think the less talked about the fight with Carbide, the better. But it’s testament to the skill of everyone on Robot Wars that they robot got put back together in a working fashion for the next fight, and the team behind Nuts were nothing but great fun the entire episode.

Robot Rating (Nuts): 7/10


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