The stage is nicely set. Behemoth sit top of the league standings with 5 points, but Terrorhurtz and Carbide are not far behind on 3 points each, hoping to fight their way into the Heat 1 final. Nuts, on 0 points, are out of it. Then again, I’m fairly sure they were never ‘in’ it in the first place.
We have two more fight in the round robin tournament to go before we get down to the finale, and it couldn’t be better poised. Leaders Behemoth take on the awesome power of Carbide, who seemed to have fixed themselves enough to send Nuts into the 4th dimension last time around. Nuts, who have somehow rebuilt themselves, take on Terrorhurtz, which to all intents and purposes has become a wedgebot.
Of course, first we have the after fight interviews with The Nuts and Carbide boys after their rather entertaining bout of destruction. Dara wanders in holding one of the many pieces of Nuts that could well have killed him, had it not been for the bullet proof glass. In the end, the only thing it killed was Nuts’ chance of getting any points on the board.
Head to Head 5: Behemoth v Carbide
Whilst attempting to help Nuts rebuild their nuts, we see Dave from team Carbide give Ant from team Behemoth the world’s most awkward passive aggressive hug in the history of Robot Wars, and that includes the times Ian Lewis was ever let near a competitor. Behemoth seem in good spirits though, pointing out that Carbide have been having problems with their weapon. I’m not sure if Ant has been watching, but did you see what Carbide just did to Nuts? I don’t give a shit if their spinning bar is only working at 70%, they tore Nuts apart like it was made of scrap. Wait a minute… Nuts was made of scrap. That’s not the point I was trying to make.
With the fighting talk out of the way, we’re onto the battle! Not that we saw much in the build-up from the Carbide boys, mainly because they were too busy helping put back together the robot they destroyed. It’s like when you demolish your brother’s Lego spaceship, then your mum orders you to help him rebuild it. Or maybe that’s just me.
The presenters still seem to have a thing against telling us what house robots are in the arena, probably because they’re trying to cram so much in that we don’t have time. I’m starting to wonder if learning about Noel Sharkey’s robotic waiters was actually worth losing a 20 second house robot introduction.
If you’re wondering, its Killalot 2.0 and Shunt, because the producers are obviously so desperate to show off their new Killalot, despite the fact he’s a little bit useless.
Back to the fight, and Carbide decides to attempt to rush Behemoth, resulting in a collision that sends Behemoth spinning 360 about 5x over. I didn’t know robots could break dance so well, but there we go.
Behemoth comes back, however, channelling their inner Terrorhurtz and using Carbide’s own momentum to send them flying into the air every time they hit the bucket scoop with the spinning bar. But Carbide are undeterred, and keep coming back with blow after blow. I’m amazed Behemoth can still stand up to the punishment Carbide is giving them, but eventually all good things must come to an end. With one more hit Carbide not only punches a hole the size of Dover through Behemoth’s scoop, it dislocates it completely.
No weaknesses, eh?
At this point Behemoth is basically finished. With the arms to the bucket scoop completely unattached, it can’t self right. And if it can’t self right? Well you get the picture. Carbide then makes little work of putting Behemoth down the pit, ending their hopes of victory once and for all. Carbide, meanwhile, are now on 6 points and guaranteed to go through to the finale. Behemoth, on 5 points, have to hope that Terrorhurtz don’t beat Nuts outright, or they’re going home. A judges’ decision would be fine, as it would leave them both on 5 points, but Behemoth would go through by virtue of having beat Terrorhurtz earlier.
Head to Head 6: Nuts v Terrorhurtz
Back in the pits, Nuts have actually managed to rebuild themselves. And by rebuild I mean fill it with some WD40 and plaster it with duct tape (I’m not even joking about that last part, they genuinely tried to rebuild it with duct tape) and hope for the best. I mean they managed to reattach the protective ring nicely, but if you look closely enough at the wheels, you can see that they’re so bent and buckled it would be criminal to call them circular. In fairness to the Nuts guys, they take it all in good spirits, and as much as I trash talk their robot, they’re great fun as competitors.
Terrorhurtz meanwhile… Well we don’t actually see anything of Terrorhurtz before the battle. Everyone is so focused on Nuts that nobody cares.
In the arena for the house robots we once again have Shunt and Killalot 2.0. I might as well tell you this because they sure as hell aren’t. And even more good news, Terrorhurtz’ axe is working! I mean it’s only taken them 2 fights to rebuild it, so I’d like to think it would work.
Nuts meanwhile are attempting to perfect the art of running away, and proceed to run straight into Shunt. Not that it matters, because the new shape to Nuts wheels has made the movement of the robot so unpredictable, Shunt ends up putting his axe into the arena floor instead. Terrorhurtz is having more luck striking Nuts, until they come crashing together in the middle of the arena.
And that’s when shit really hit the fan.
Terrorhurtz, as well built as it is, has a little gap between the metal front bumper and the polycarbonate shell of the robot, probably created by Carbide in their previous battle. Unfortunately for John Reid, one of Nuts’ flails got trapped in that gap, and when Terrorhurtz attempted to drive away, it tore THE ENTIRE PROTECTIVE RING off the robot. Not the first time that’s come off, is it?
The problem is, that ring is now completely jammed into Terrorhurtz. They can’t shake it off, no matter how many times they fire the axe, and with the ring half jammed under one of the wheels, they can’t finish the job. It does manage to spin the ring around and whack one of the minibots back to the 18th century, but they are struggling.
Nuts, meanwhile, has decided to pick a fight with Shunt, because YOLO right? Also because they’re realised Killalot is fairly useless and so that fight would be no fun at all.
Terrorhurtz, however, now seem to have got to grips with their new appendage, and go back after Nuts, very almost pushing them down the pit. The ring then almost goes down itself, but Terrorhurtz wiggles free. Jonathan Pearce then brings up the point I said earlier, that if Nuts can hold on, Behemoth will go through on countback.
Terrorhurtz manage to send Nuts into Shunt’s CPZ, and as a reward get a nice new dent in their armour. Thanks Shunt, you turnip. Nuts can’t exactly move very quickly, so Shunt then has a go at them too. Terrorhurtz then manage to one of Nuts’ minibots stuck underneath them, because this wasn’t humiliating enough as it was.
We then go to a judges’ decision, and the verdict (Terrorhurtz, duh) is delivered by Angela Scanlon, who may just be the anti-Craig Charles. It is the least enthusiastic announcement of a winner I have ever seen, so much so that it takes John Reid a full 5 seconds to realise he’s actually won it. His face then drops when he realises that the victory means jack shit. Angela does attempt a half hearted ‘Go Nuts for Nuts’, but it’s so pathetic I actually felt second hand embarrassment. (I actually like Angela Scanlon, but dear lord that was awkward).
Week 1 Finale: Carbide v Behemoth
This is it, the big one. The week 1 finale that will see one robot go through to the week 6 grand final. Carbide have the form going into the match, having torn Behemoth to shreds in the previous battle, but it’s still all to play for.
Of course, at this point we get the recap as to how both robots got there. As Behemoth and Carbide both came from the same heat, it means we unfortunately aren’t able to relive the clusterfuck that was Simon Scott driving Razer into the pit, but then there’s always BBC iPlayer for that, right?
Now onto the fight! You can probably guess who the house robots are (Shunt & Killalot 2.0). I’m almost wondering if we’re not being told because it’s the same pair each time around. No wonder they couldn’t be bothered to rebuild Sgt. Bash.
Anyway, the fight has started. Behemoth honestly doesn’t seem to be moving right, but either way Carbide comes in with a couple of quick blows, sending them skating across the arena, where they stop dead. The scoop this time seems to hold up better, though it’s use is fairly limited (i.e. useless).
Behemoth do eventually get moving again… Sort of. They’re now practically going round in circles, not that it matters. Carbide decides to activate the pit release button, then powers down the weapon because they’re worried about doing a Tombstone. Again. That doesn’t stop them attempting to push Behemoth down the pit, but in the end Behemoth gets a little revenge by lifting Carbide into the air. I mean it did absolutely nothing, but it was there for the vanity points.
Behemoth, realising that one of their wheels would be more useful in a scrapyard right now, decide to quite literally throw in the towel and reverse into the pit. Jonathan Pearce loves it, because that’s just who Jonathan Pearce is.
So that’s it, Carbide are through to the week 6 grand final, and well deserved too. The final was quite the spectacle you might hope for, but I’d put that down to the fact Carbide had already turned Behemoth into scrap the battle beforehand anyway. It’s not too surprising something would be broken.
As for the episode itself? I was far too happy to see Robot Wars back on my TV to care about the few faults that popped up during the episode. The camera angles were horrendous, as was the overuse of slow motion replays. The man working the floor flipper needs to be fired and/or fed to Sir Killalot- The original one that it, because the new one is fairly hopeless himself. The lack of battle music was a little disappointing and everything felt a little rushed, just so they could fit 9 battles into an hour.
Do I care though? Do I really care about these few minor issues?
Not at all.
I cannot tell you just how happy I was when that episode finished. I had the largest smile in the world and I would not shut up talking about it to my friend Antonella, who somehow managed to put up with me the entire time. And I will happily overlook those issues when Robot Wars returns next week, though a distinct lack of former legends sees that heat look far more open. We shall see….
For now, this has been your Robot Wars S08E01 recap, I’ve been Rising-Electra, and I will see you all next week.