If you thought the heats were good, the best is yet to come. Carbide, Terrorhurtz, Behemoth and Nuts all made it through to the second round, a mini league where everyone plays everyone. There are 3 points on offer if you win outright, and 2 if you win via a judges’ decision. The top 2 go on to the week’s final and a chance to progress into the week 6 grand finale. Let’s be honest though, it’s not going to be Nuts.
We start by seeing the 4 robots whilst they’re in the pits preparing for the next round. Carbide, as it turns out, managed exactly to emulate Tombstone and turned their weapon system into 20 different shades of broken. I mean they do fix it, but I was worried for them at this point. Fortunately they had a wild John Reid from team Terrorhurtz helping them out, because John Reid knows a lot about broken robots (See: Beta, Battlebots Revival Season 1. Also Terrorhurtz, Robot Wars The 7th Wars). Nuts meanwhile are just happy to be in the second round, and proclaim that they don’t mind if their robot gets torn apart in the next round. The foreshadowing here is fantastic.
Head to Head 1: Terrorhurtz v Carbide
Anyway, we’re onto our first battle of the head to heads. It sees Terrorhurtz go up against a newly reconstructed Carbide, though with John Reid helping them repair it, we may as well call it Terrorhurtz 2.0. We finally get the actual robot introduction videos now, in which we see John take an angle grinder to, erm, something. He happily proclaims ‘It’s all about the axe’, which is great… Except the axe doesn’t actually work. Oops.
Next up is Carbide’s promotional video, which looks like an extract from the CIA archives for a top secret military weapon. Supposedly everything was kept a secret, except it wasn’t because we all already knew about Cobalt, which is basically the same robot but more American. Supposedly Carbide’s spinning bar was so powerful, they could actually test it at full power before filming because it was too dangerous. Jesus Christ.
And now for the fight. And what a fight it looked to be. We get 2 house robots this time around in Shunt and Killalot 2.0, which is nice normality. Unfortunately, in making Killalot 750kg whilst also making him 2x faster, he’s become a little bit undriveable. I’d honestly be more scared of Shunt.
The match starts furiously. If you thought Carbide would walk this, think again, because Terrorhurtz’ bullet-proof armour plating somehow manages to deflect Carbide’s spinner no problem. Infact, it’s Carbide that’s sent flying into the air, doing its best impression of ‘Son of Whyachi’, except it actually kept moving. Terrorhurtz, sensing that it can actually survive the attacks, starts pushing Carbide around, slamming it into a CPZ. Carbide is getting hits in, sure, but Terrorhurtz isn’t affected at all!
It gets even worse for the boys in green and black, as they soon find themselves a little toasted and in the clutches of Sir Killalot. I wonder if John Reid actually helped the repair it, or….? It doesn’t matter, because Carbide are done. They’re not moving. Killalot throws them back into the centre of the arena, and Terrorhurtz does the honour of pushing them down the pit. A shock? Yes. But what was even more shocking was just how bad the timing of the floor flipper was. Someone sort that out ASAP before I come down there and do it myself.
What made the win all the more impressive was the fact Terrorhurtz had no working weapon. All about the axe, John? I think you might need a new motto. Carbide might need a new drive motor and a clean pair of boxers.
Head to Head 2: Behemoth v Nuts
Carbide’s loss opened up a huge opportunity for Behemoth. With Behemoth being a lifter (Not even a proper flipper), it’s very hard for it to immobilise robots through damage. Usually it has to hope they either can’t self right, or they do a Razer and drive down the pit. The problem with Carbide for them is that its invertible, so there’s not much they can do to it. However, with it losing, the most point it can get is 6, giving Behemoth a great chance to put itself in the finals, provided it can beat Terrorhurtz and Nuts.
To be honest, Nuts would do well to come out of this battle in one piece, and Behemoth doesn’t even have a destructive weapon.
Next it’s back to the introduction videos, and first up is Behemoth. As everyone is introduced, there’s the obligatory shot of somebody grinding something unnecessary so that people actually think they know what they’re doing. The team behind Nuts, on the other hand, are more than happy to tell the world that they don’t know shit. They’ve literally survived through ignorance and the fact they didn’t have to face Carbide in the first round.
The Behemoth team then go on to say ‘I don’t think Behemoth has any weaknesses.’ You’re not Killalot mate. In fact, even Killalot isn’t Killalot anymore.
The teams then enter the arena, and for the first time we get to see Dead Metal, probably the house robot I think has had the greatest improvement. He seriously looks like an alien scrapyard hedgehog with an actual working saw, which is a rarity. Somebody call up ABC Television Network and tell them we’ve found some working saws.
The fight goes much as expected, with Behemoth throwing Nuts pretty much everywhere, and eventually into the clutches of Dead Metal. Before that Nuts had decided to channel their inner Stinger (Remember them?) and flail about everywhere, but in the end only succeeded in twating their own minibot. Nice one guys.
There’s then even more horrific floor flipper action, in which Behemoth ends up driving INTO the flipper. Talk about jumping the gun. But then comes the best moment, in which Behemoth launches one of the minibots 10ft into the air, before sliding straight into Matilda’s giant frickin flywheel, and being sent skating half way across the arena. They deserve to win just for that. Unfortunately, they don’t, and we get our first judges’ decision of the episode, but not before Matilda takes a punt at Nuts herself.
It’s fairly obvious Behemoth were going to win, but credit Nuts for not completely falling apart. Behemoth may only be a flipper, but then so is Bronco, and we all know what happened to Chrome Fly. With 2 points now on the board, Behemoth slide nicely into second place, but will they rue not finishing the job?
We then get some techno crap from Noel Sharkey about drone waiters in Singapore, but soon enough it’s onto round two of the head to heads.
Head to Head 3: Terrorhurtz v Behemoth
There’s no messing around with this one. With all of the introductions out of the way in the previous set of fights, once the Professor is done lecturing us on AI, it’s straight into battle! We don’t even get told which house robots are in the arena (It’s Killalot 2.0 and Dead Metal, if you’re wondering). This matchup sees the two leaders, Terrorhurtz and Behemoth go against each other. Whoever wins will most likely be going through, so it’s all to play for.
The fight starts with Behemoth managing to tip itself onto its ass, which is a great start. Fortunately, despite its odd shape, behemoth is basically impervious to death by being flipped over, even if its self inflicted. Terrorhurtz meanwhile still has no working axe, because who needs weapons on Robot Wars? Despite this, Terrorhurtz does exactly what it did to Carbide, and gets underneath Behemoth before slamming the bucketbot into Dead Metal’s CPZ. Cue Dead Metal spinning round like a headless chicken trying to catch them.
Eventually though Dead Metal does find his mark, or rather Terrorhurtz’ axe. Not that it matter, it’s not like they were using it anyway.
Behemoth attempts another flip with the scoop, but misses (Again). It’s becoming a bit of a rodeo for Terrorhurtz, attempting to tame the Behemoth bull.
Ultimately, they failed.
Whilst Terrorhurtz didn’t really need the axe to dominate Behemoth, it did need it to self right. So when Behemoth finally got that scoop under Terrorhurtz and tipped it over, that was that. Of course, we couldn’t just leave it there, could we? So Dead Metal (Because Killalot is a lazy sod and couldn’t be arsed to join in) took its saw to Terrorhurtz’ underbelly, and very, very almost punctured the CO2 tank. It would have been one hell of an explosion if it had been punctured… Almost a shame it didn’t go off.
3 points for Behemoth sends them top, and gives them one foot in the final.
Head to Head 4: Carbide v Nuts
Carbide and Nuts both sit nicely on zero points. The good news is that, at the end of this fight, at least one of them will have some points on the board. The bad news is that the loser will be in about 5 different pieces. Any guesses as to who’s going to win?
Nuts believe they can jam up Carbide with the chains, though after that I’m not entirely sure what they expect to do. Carbide on the other hand seem to have repaired their drivetrain, which means everything should be at full power. What a frightening proposition…
Once again we don’t get told who the house robots are, but if you’re wondering it’s Shunt and lazy sod Killalot 2.0. Almost straight away Carbide gets the spinning bar up to full speed and tears half of one of the chains clean off. Believe me when I say that’s the light damage in this battle. About 10 seconds later, Carbide comes in again and takes THE ENTIRE PROTECTIVE BAR off Nuts. Quite possibly the only thing protecting the inner workings of Nuts is now consigned to the scrap heap.
Carbide by now has the blade up to such a speed that you can hear it reverberating around the arena, echoing rumbles like a demonic dragonfly. Nuts only option is quite honestly to run away, something they do fairly well until they collide with the arena wall. Carbide then proceeds not only to tear Nuts a new asshole, but also rip a chunk out of the arena wall itself.
Nuts is on its last legs, but credit to the guys, they’re still moving… Moving into Sir Killalot, that is. After dicing with death in robot form himself, Nuts then drives back into Carbide’s blade, a collision that genuinely sends Nuts flying into the pit release button. It was poetic. But Carbide isn’t done, and it comes in again, this time tearing a wheel off and sending it out of the arena. That’s right, the wheel went OUT OF THE ARENA. Nuts is now very, very dead, so Carbide goes after one of the minibots, which actually holds up better than Nuts itself. Just to complete the fight, Carbide bounces one off Shunt, who doesn’t look the least bit bothered. I’m not actually sure Shunt realised Carbide had attacked him; He was probably too busy enjoying watching Nuts fall apart to care.
So that leaves us with Behemoth top on 5 points, Terrorhurtz and Carbide level on 3 points and Nuts with the same number of points as they have working parts on their robot (i.e. Zero). With the last H2H fights to come, we see Behemoth go up against Carbide and Terrorhurtz take on what’s left of Nuts. But for now I shall leave it here so that it doesn’t get too long, and hopefully you can look forward to the final part of this recap, part 3, tomorrow.